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for what it was and what could have been.
the pains of love.
by daniel castro

The one I thought was "the one" is no more.

She has decided she wants to date anoter guy. At least she told me the truth.

The one I thought I could spend the rest of my life with has gone away...

I don't want to say it was bound to happen, but this was a long-distance relationship, and there's a huge risk involved once you get in one. I was one of the people that said that shit never worked...and for a while I contradicted myself, but it seems I was right all along...

But I fucking love her more than life itself. Yes, I still do...for now at least.

For her I would have given my life. For her I would have left here those people I hold dear and live with her. For her I would have done everything she desired. There wasn't a limit as to what I could have done for her...Why? because I love her.

But now, for her I won't even move a damn finger.

I say this because I feel pain, I feel anger, I feel resentment. I feel dissapointed, in myself. Yet, my heart is numb...and I feel eeriely fine...I thought I was going to feel worse than ever.
It does, however, hurt more than being struck in the balls with a jackhammer...

Just one question: Why?

What made her take this decision? It wasn't lack of love, from my side at least. And she knew that. She knew she was the reason why I stayed alive when there wasn't anyone or anything else worth living for. I told her many times that my love for her could not be described, I made that clear a thousand and one times...

Just why?

I know there is nothing I can do to change the situation. It's her decision, not mine. But now she left an open wound in my heart, and I don't know when it will heal, if at all. She has taken a part of me with her...a big one...the part that made me happy, that made me realize how lucky I was.

Now I realize how much of me depended on her.

For what it was and what could have been, thank you for making me happy all this time and giving me hope to live, have a nice life.

Don't feel sad when I die.


Great, outgoing guy in his mid 20's. Works and parties hard. Obsessed with music. Oh wait, this isn't match.com

more about daniel castro


kafka had it right
we're all made of riches
by daniel castro
topic: writing
published: 5.18.07


juli mccarthy
6.20.03 @ 12:44p

I don't want to come off as being glib, but you need to know that this, too, shall pass. When something like this happens, the wounds are so raw and tender that you think they'll never heal. You'll be very surprised a few years down the line when you poke the wound to see what happens, and the answer is "nothing much."

matt morin
6.20.03 @ 3:42p

Yeah Daniel, trust me when I (and I'm sure other people) say you'll get over it. My worst breakup, back in 2000, I spent 3 months doing very little except laying on the couch. I lost 25 pounds. I slept about 2 hours a night. It sucked. But slowly you move on - it took me more than a year.

But it's good to write this stuff down. It helps get it all out, plus next year you can look back on this and think "What the hell was I thinking?"

The first love's always the hardest one.

daniel castro
6.20.03 @ 3:59p

Haha, like I said in there "I feel eeriely fine." I'm not really dwelling on it anymore since i know that it will not be of any use. I mean, it hurts no matter what, but there is no point in aggravting myself with it.

That was the point of this column, to get that out of me. Sure, the wound will not heal overnight, but just as she moved on, I have to do the same.

Matt, the only thing I'd appreciate from this was if I lost weight...that would not hurt at all.


matt morin
6.20.03 @ 7:17p

Daniel, that's the perfect attitude to have.

heather millen
6.20.03 @ 7:32p

I think the first part of the title is the healthiest way to look at it: For what it was. To appreciate it as a wonderful life experience and move on to the next experience that awaits.

That being said, I still find myself thinking sometimes of an ex that hasn't been in my life for nearly two years now. It doesn't hurt or anything like it did right after the breakup, but the fact that he comes to mind at all after all this time irks me to no end.

robert melos
6.20.03 @ 11:17p

It took me 5 years to get over my ex. I was willing to spend the rest of my life loving him. Now I'd just like him to drop dead, get off the planet, and never cross my path again in this or any other life time.

Bitter? Me? Nah!

Seriously, the pain will pop up when you least expect it to, like an old injury. I don't think you can ever forget an ex completely. I would love to have had a breakup wher I could just forgive, myself and him, but that didn't happen either. Neil Sedaka was right. Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.

lee anne ramsey
6.21.03 @ 1:49p

Heather - I'm there with you. It's been 3 months and I still fluxuate between "I really don't care. I've totally moved on" and wanting to send him articles I've cut out of magazines about how "people blossom and grow when they feel secure in a relationship and wilt when it is constantly in question" just to prove some irrelevant point.

I feel like a complete psycho and it irritates the hell out of me at the same time.

Daniel - I have pages and pages full of sentiments the same as those you express here. I hope it helped you as much as it helped me to write them down!!

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