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why woman date cheaters
yeah i did it, so what?
by alicia nicole white
9.12.03
general

Why do women insist on dating cheaters when there are a lot of more worthy men in this world? First, I must clarify. I’m not talking about women who continue to date men after the men have cheated on them (although I'll get to that later in my discussion), I’m talking about women who date men who are cheating on someone else. Who in their right mind would do that you ask? Well, its not easy to understand if you're not in the predicament yourself, but it certainly is once you are. Woman who find themselves in this situation tend to stay in the situation for awhile for two reasons:

* There must be something wrong in the man's relationship for him to find
someone else, and
* You must be the obvious ideal for this man since his focus is now on you.


Woman stay in this situation because they believe that if they present themselves as the idealistic alternative to the man's horrible current relationship, then eventually the man will come to his senses and let go of the girlfriend. These thoughts are only strengthened by the man's insistence on making sure that you stick around through the presentation of gifts, money, love, friendship, and the occasional promises that you are the one he really wants to be with. So, these woman blindly continue to do whatever they can to let these men know that they're there for them no matter what, and that they'll wait for them no matter what, etc. Does it get hard? Of course it does, but always in the back of their minds are those ever present promises of a future with these men that they have grown to love. As time goes on, it also gets harder to think about finding someone else. If you’ve come this far, why give up now? There has to be some sort of happiness to come from all of this pain. So the women stick around hoping and praying that this happiness comes sooner rather than later.



Don’t think that these men don’t have feelings though. I’m a firm believer that a person can have feelings for more than one person at one time. It’s not impossible, but is it ok? Not when you end up hurting people. For the most part, these cheating men don’t really mean to cheat. They just find themselves letting their hearts speak before their brains. The good men are the men that realize that their hurting the other woman, as well as the unknowing girlfriend (but the other woman more so). These men know when its time to decide, and they make an intelligent decision. Those who are unintelligent decide immediately to stay with the girlfriend without making an actually thought out decision. The smart one's take time to think about it, taking into consideration the reasons why he has cheated in the first place. Those lucky women get the men who decide to take time to way the pros and cons of each woman in order to make an intelligent decision. If in this situation, this is the type of cheater that you want.


Women who continue to date men after they've cheated on them is another story. This I just don’t understand. Women who date cheaters are understandable because they are not the ones being cheated on, they are the ones that the man is cheating for. The women being cheated on are the one's being put aside; the one's being abandoned. Some men do feel a loyalty to these women, and refuse to leave them no matter what. Is that really what a woman wants? Do we want to be dealt with just so the man doesn’t feel guilty? I think that woman who know that there man has cheated on them should leave. If there is something that wrong with your relationship that the man has to cheat, then why stay? Of course, I speak from the outside on this one, I’ve never been on that point of the triangle.



My own experiences have taught me that if you have to be in this situation, and I feel sometimes that I do because my heart wont allow me to feel otherwise, then be careful. Be realistic. Women shouldn't expect these men to make perfect mates, they are cheaters after all. Is there hope for a stable relationship with a man who cheats...yes, but only when the girlfriend, or other woman for that matter, is no longer involved. I do believe men and woman can love more than one person, but a relationship involves two people and two people only.



ABOUT ALICIA NICOLE WHITE



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COMMENTS

tracey kelley
9.13.03 @ 6:16p

You must be the obvious ideal for this man since his focus is now on you.

You're kidding, right?

alicia white
9.14.03 @ 12:08a

Im not saying that it's true that you become the ideal, Im saying that this is what you think is true when you are in that situation, in other words, its what you want to be true.(so yes, I am slightly kidding)

[edited]

matt morin
9.14.03 @ 9:51p

People (both men and women) stay in any kind of bad relationship because A) It's human nature to want to be loved and B) that bit of human nature overrides their own self-esteem.

They're so desperate for someone, anyone, to love them that they think they'll be happier with a cheater than by themselves.

Oh, and the "good men" never get in a point where they have to make an "intelligent decision" between their wife and their girlfriend. The good men never put themselves in that position to begin with.

wendy p
9.15.03 @ 8:55a

"For the most part, these cheating men don’t really mean to cheat."

I believe this to be a total lie. If they didn't "mean" to cheat, they wouldn't be cheating. Cheating on your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, whatever is a choice. That person made a decision to do it, therefore, they meant to do it.

alicia white
9.15.03 @ 10:02a

I mean that they dont set out with the intention to cheat.

juli mccarthy
9.17.03 @ 1:43a

Remember this about cheaters (of either sex): if they'll do it for you, they'll do it to you.



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