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get the flock outta here!
the media's affair with pat robertson should end
by robert a. melos

It seems Religious fanatic Pat Robertson is making big headlines. A recent AOL news article proclaimed ”Robertson's Divine Intervention on Bush.” So AOL is about as responsible a journalistic source as 60 Minutes interviews with Ed Bradley (can you say Wacko Jacko made Big Ed look like a fool?), but it is being touted as news.

The article quoted Robertson from the daily broadcast of his religious program "The 700 Club" (a cross between a Sunday School lesson and a Merv Griffin rerun without the Gabor sisters) airing out of Virginia Beach on the Christian Broadcasting Network, as saying he believes God has told him President Bush will be re-elected in a "blowout" in November.

God, believed by many to be the Supreme Being, is talking to Pat Robertson? Oh I don't think so, kiddies. If God, any God, is talking to Robertson then the world is doomed. Pack up your troubles and head for Vegas for that final "blowout", cause it ain't gonna be Bush winning the election, it'll be Armageddon. Ragnarok. The Big Bang. End of the planet closeout! Everything must go!

According to the “news” article, Robertson entertained his viewing audience by saying, "I think George Bush is going to win in a walk" and "I really believe I'm hearing from the Lord it's going to be like a blowout election in 2004. It's shaping up that way."

The Christian Broadcasting Network, which Robertson founded, amazingly enough did not get struck by lightning. Nor did Robertson burst into flames or turn into a rodent. His body did not erupt in boils, nor did he bleed pus.

Robertson told his viewers he spent several days in prayer at the end of 2003. Uh huh. It sound more like several days in a rubber room to me, but then I'm not one to cast stones. Well, not really big stones.

Robertson, an ever-faithful shepherd to his viewing flock, said of Bush, "The Lord has just blessed him." Well now I know the Christian version of God is a toot-snorting-megalomaniac-party-boy either looking to mess with Robertson's head, or really looking to royally screw over the Earth.

Robertson finished amusing his viewers by saying, "I mean, he could make terrible mistakes and comes out of it. It doesn't make any difference what he does, good or bad, God picks him up because he's a man of prayer and God's blessing him."

So Bush could ostensibly lie, cheat and steal to become the President, avenge his daddy's name by starting a war with Iraq, taking down another world leader (no matter how bad a person that world leader is), give billions of dollars in foreign aid to the country he just decimated in his father's name, threaten North Korea, Libya, and Canada if he so chose, and because he prays he'd be granted his wish for re-election?

Tell me again where George W. Bush is mentioned in the Bible? Tell me the part about him being a righteous man, so I can laugh my ass off for a while.

I know I'm mocking a God, the deity not Bush, and if one exists I'm risking lightning bolts, plagues, and possibly bad cable reception, but to read such an article as news and not a work of fiction just sets my mind reeling. Has the human race regressed back beyond the 11 years George W. wanted to drag us so he could correct the mistakes of his father's failed attempt to topple Saddam Hussein? Are we caught in some Twilight Zone back alley, where we will be perpetually treated to such inane drivel until we are all driven quite mad?

I’m betting it was a slow news day and someone happened upon the “700 Club”, while channel surfing in hopes of maybe catching the last few minutes of a Springer rerun or catching the porn channels at just the right moment so they could maybe see some of the picture without the sound, and thought it was funny. I would hate to think such a news article would come out of serious journalistic integrity.

It’s bad enough that by presenting it as a “serious news” article, it lends credence to anything that comes out of Robertson’s mouth. We must remember back in October he was being blasted for suggesting on that same “700 Club” forum the nuking of the State Department.

This is a man who is counted as a close personal friend of Bush, the man with a cowboy complex and his trigger finger on the red button that can blow up most of the world if he is in a bad mood. Pat Robertson has courted the favors of Cowboy George W. on occasion, and had the President’s ear.

Now, supposedly, God has Robertson’s ear. If such a thing were true, if it were to be believed that God has chosen to communicate through the likes of a pompous windbag with enough money to create his own soapbox in the form of a television network, then the world has gone as mad as Robertson himself.

I don’t wish to doubt Robertson anymore than I wish to disbelieve in the innocence of Michael Jackson, but when I am confronted with insanity in the form of a media broadcast or a news article on a man speaking with a God, I tend to leave my own ivory tower long enough to check in with reality and find out if I’m the last sane man on the planet.

Robertson may believe he spoke to God, but my guess is he left a message at the tone and God has yet to get back to him. In an unrelated story, Tammy Faye Messner nee Bakker was seen crying.


Robert is the author of the novels Cool Mint Blue, Melba Ridge, and the recently released The Adventures of Homosexual Man and Lesbian Lad; and the creator of the on-line comix Impure Thoughts found at his web site Inside R.A. Melos, as well as having been an on-line staff writer for QBliss where he had a monthly humor column, Maybe A Yip, Maybe A Yap. In his non-writing time, when he's not studying the metaphysical or creating a tarot deck, he sells real estate in Middlesex County New Jersey, hangs out with his dog Zeus, and spends time at the Pride Center of New Jersey in Highland Park, NJ, where he is on the Board of Trustees.

more about robert a. melos


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sarah ficke
1.4.04 @ 9:59p

Tell me again where George W. Bush is mentioned in the Bible? Tell me the part about him being a righteous man, so I can laugh my ass off for a while.

Heh. Very nice.

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