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let's not play putt putt
the lost art of cruising chicks
by stephen g. cook

Some of you know where this is going because of our chats on this little matter from my past. I owe this chunk of my life experience to Joe Procopio. Now Joe had this thing about having a higher ratio of bites if he fished for babes from other nearby towns. The local chicks were a little snotty for Joe's taste and I was curious to test Joe's cruising theory. So we'd hit the mall, park, ice cream stand, and yes, even the putt putt golf place to boldly meet new girls.

Sounds easy right? Wrong. I thought I had balls and I thought I was cool enough to step into this new arena and tear the down the walls, but no. I had to turn to the light, my love guru, and the only kid who had the confidence in our little team to keep me from running away.....Joe. I'll always admire his courage and faith in us.

So now it comes to the part where there's two really cute girls together and we either need eye contact or to just walk right up and do our thing. Cold calling strange girls to go makeout is a bit of an art. First of all you need to convince them that they really didn't come to play golf and that we were here to save them from all the bordem they were experiencing. We would achieve this by supplying Joe's trunk with plenty of pink, sweet, bubbly, cheap champagne. Hopefully you could makeout before the headache set in.

After polishing our art we would pretty much approach any two girls we found worthy. Our success rate was not too shabby either.

So it's no big deal that we could allure girls away with champagne I know. At times though we'd have to take it a step further. I know this is horrible but we'd bust out the old fake Brittish accent. Even though we sucked at it we were persistent enough to pull it off at times. I miss the recklessness and abandon from those days. What Italian guy (Joe) do you know has the courage to fake a WASPY accent!?

Our great buddy Jeff Miller would come along for the ride many times. His heart was always a little too pure for our antics but I think he still got a big kick out of it. Some nights were good and some pretty bad, but we always tried to be the rockstars we still think we are...


I live in upstate New York where the winters are bad but a hurricane won't blow your house down.I am a musician and a chef.Life doesn't bother me at all. In the past I have cruised chicks with Joe Procopio at putt-putt golf courses.I have no real column writing in my background(just some poetry and lyrics)but enjoy visiting the site and it's culture.

more about stephen g. cook


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topic: general
published: 5.5.05

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by stephen g. cook
topic: general
published: 3.22.05


tracey kelley
6.1.05 @ 10:49p

Joe had a little Cold Duck in the truck, eh? PLAY-AH!

mike julianelle
6.2.05 @ 2:43p

Joe's about as Italian as Rico Suave.

juli mccarthy
6.2.05 @ 7:51p

Wait wait wait... you guys faked ACCENTS to pick up girls.

Let's see that once again: You guys faked accents to pick up girls.

BOTH of you ought to be curled up on the floor hiding your faces now.

joe procopio
6.2.05 @ 7:58p

Let's set the record straight.

We were 16.

Steve is the pretty boy, not me. He also has better rap.

Putt-putt was a cruising zone long before I got there.

I'm allergic to champagne - it was vodka.

And the accent thing was one time and it was a dare.

Otherwise everything is pretty much true.

joe procopio
6.2.05 @ 7:58p

And it was at Nowhere City, not Putt-putt.

stephen cook
6.2.05 @ 11:44p

That place sucked!!

robert melos
6.6.05 @ 6:39a

Two words. Smooth operators.

robert melos
6.7.05 @ 12:10a

I was thinking about this last night. I have to ask. Was the accent cockney or that stuffy upperclass british?

stephen cook
6.8.05 @ 2:23a

Yo Bobby...It was the hack of the century.
More Scott if you will.

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