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just call me mad sayf
:or 'why we need to start preparing to hunt for the black juice'
by sayf y sharif
9.21.00
pop culture


There are alot of problems in the world these days. Most of only see a small part of them, depending on where we live. Here in Boston, Massachusets there was some news this morning concerning the Big Dig and how it's over budget, again, this time to the tune of 14 billion dollars.

For those of you not lucky enough to already be familiar with this debacle, I'll do my best to bring you up to speed quickly. The Big Dig, offically called 'The Central Artery Project' has been going on here in Boston since the late eighties. Basically the jist of the project is to take the main north south highway which cuts through downtown boston, and shove it underground. More lanes, less traffic (the central artery is notoriously bogged down with traffic at ALL HOURS of the day). The plan is to take the above ground area where it is now, and turn it into a long strip of greenspace for the city. Sounds great! The inital budget projection put it at about 3 billion dollars and five years of work.

Nearly 15 years later, and 11 billion dollars over budget, the big dig tunnels on. The end isn't in sight. At this point, they have to finish, so we're totally screwed. What made it this way? I'm sure there are some actual dig problems, water tables, rocks, labor disputes. 11 billion dollars and 10 years worth? Somehow I doubt it. What it comes down to is the fact that people are just plain morons.

It's not as if this moronity is limited to just the Boston area, nor to the United States. People everywhere are just plain stupid. I include myself in this grouping. EVERYONE. Sometimes it's mismanagement of billions of dollars. Sometimes it's 'ethnic cleansing'.

What is the cause of all this? Stupidity. Sure there are other things at play. Greed, hatred, selfishness. What all the other reasons boil down to is stupidity though. People just don't think things through.

This is why we need to have an apocolypse. I'm talking Mad Max style rumble in the desert, everyone on dune buggies searching for a drop of the black juice. Why? Well firstly it'd get rid of alot of people. You've got to think that a major catastrophie like that would reduce the population a bit. The collapse of the infrastructure and medicine and people would just start keeling over. Good. We need to thin the heard abit.

Now I hear some of you thinking, 'but that wouldn't stop people from being stupid'. That's totally true. What it would do though is thin out the herd to the point that one person being stupid wouldn't affect as many people. Let's say that this actually happened. Just here around Boston the population would thin. Down from what..around 3 million I think, to probably well under 100 thousand. At least a million would starve, others would die from the following crime wave, others would leave to try and survive somewhere else (many dying along the way). Anyway. Population thin dramatically. Stephen King dramatically. Nobody would be able to waste 14 billion dollars and 15 years to get a job done. It just wouldn't enter into their heads. Radio would be gone, so we wouldn't have to think about the backstreet boys anymore or any of their kin. We'd be all into survival. Food, shelter, fucking. I'm telling you it would be tough, but a good trade off if you ask me.

I already have my spiked shoulderpads, dunebuggy, and 3 legged dog. I'm ready for it I tells ya.

ABOUT SAYF Y SHARIF

born in a small norwegian fishing village to a noble born iraqi father and a hippy english mother, sayf spent most of his life trying to figure out up from down. now imprisoned in the mind and body of a workaday tadpole, he struggles valiantly in his mind as the superhero moonshadow, belting out cat stevens lyrics to passers by, and combating evil in all its grisly forms.

more about sayf y sharif




COMMENTS

jeff miller
9.21.00 @ 10:51a

you know, I've been talking about this very idea with a bald friend of mine lately - his idea was to start small, a few baby steps toward getting rid of some of the jackasses on 93N. Next time there's a WWF event at the Fleet Center (the snappy, polished replacement for the Boston Garden for you out-of-towners), we firebomb the whole shebang. That will take out about 40 thousand people we don't really need.

sayf sharif
9.21.00 @ 3:54p

how bout just releasing say a small amount of some really bad biologic in the water supply resovoirs...I mean just one vial of say small pox could wipe out a good half million!

lee anne ramsey
9.22.00 @ 3:41p

Frighteningly, I realize that I agree. I'm waiting patiently for the next Big Quake in SF to drive some of the scaredy cat/SUV driving dotcommers away and allow the housing market to drop back to normal levels so I can one day dream of buying.

On a separate note, Sayf, please give my love to your beautiful sister for me!


jael mchenry
9.22.00 @ 4:40p

See, we need Jeff/Lee Anne-type selective solutions, because earthquakes and WWF -event destruction get rid of a certain segment of the population. Smallpox would dispose of the good along with the bad. The "kill-em-all-and-let-God-sort-em-out" approach isn't really the kind of population reduction that would overhaul society and increase the positive force of bright people. Apocalypse, schmapocalypse. I cannot believe I'm feeling the need to make this distinction in this discussion. But there you have it.

jeff miller
9.22.00 @ 6:04p

you see, there's just no denying that some people gotta go. We're all feeling it, and since we're the only people without nuclear weapons talking about it, why not explore the details? For example, today I was driving home from work, and at least three people tried to kill me by darting out into the street directly in front of or next to me. Now, being the courteous and sayf driver I am, I managed to avoid what would have been fatal accidents. Let's say, for instance, instead of driving a little jeep, I make my next car a two-ton pickup truck. With a cowcatcher on the front. Thus empowered, I can begin selectively crushing these...these...people, at no fault of my own! all I need to do is brake instead of accelerate, and the MA laws, for once, are in my favor. boom, crunch, one less idiot.

lee anne ramsey
9.22.00 @ 7:32p

I just want to confirm that my concurrance with the "get rid of the bad ones" theory does not in any way imply that I am a Republican.

sayf sharif
9.26.00 @ 7:27p

I like that people agree...but I have to disagree with this distinction between good and bad people...everyone is bad..everyone must die... oh btw...Lee Anne, I thought that was you! kisses didja know i'm in SF now for a few weeks? we should get t'gethah



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