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pearls before swine
silk purse, etc..
by robert a. melos

Recently the media has brought to my attention Alec Baldwin calling his daughter a pig because she didn’t answer the phone when he called, and a few months ago Donald Trump referred to Rosie O’Donnell as a pig, and every now and again most CNN programs repeat the Elton John being booted out of Thailand incident where he calls the general population of the country rude, rude pigs. Now all three of these men are using the word “pig” as though it should be considered an insult, and given the recent events emphasizing the effect words can have on people, I felt it was important to get another view.

Granted when I hear the word “pig” I tend to think of Charlotte’s Web, Warner Brother’s cartoons, and, well, um, bacon.

Part of me wants to know when we all degenerated into children. When did name calling become the norm? This is not the way adults act. No, I’m sorry Mr. Baldwin, Mr. Trump, Mr. John, we are adults here, and we do not resort to name calling. On top of that, hurling the epitaph is insulting to the porcine community. That’s right guys, you heard me. The Swine community has been insulted by your use of the word “pig” in a derogatory manner.

“It’s prepos-prepos-prepos, it’s down right insulting.” Says one of the best know leaders of the community, Mr. Porky Pig. “I don’t expect much from Elton John or Donald Trump, but Ba-Ba-Ba-Baldwin should know better.”

Wilber, AKA Some Pig, agrees. “I am what I am, and I don’t think I need to have my species turned into a derogatory term to describe Alec Baldwin’s daughter. I’d be just as angry and defending the Canine community if he had called her a bitch.”

“The point is, we have to be careful what words we do use, and should just stop and think before speaking. Didn’t we learn anything from the Don Imus fiasco? Or for that matter, from every word out of Rush Limbaugh’s mouth? Or Anne Coulter’s degradation of a political candidate and the homosexual community?” Wilber continued, adding, “Charlotte taught me the importance of carefully choosing words.”

“I blame the me-me-me, CNN,” Porky said. “They replayed each incident re-re-re-repeatedly on the nightly news, perpet-perpet-perpet, exasperating the situation.”

Wilber agrees with Porky’s assessment of the situation. “I couldn’t turn on the television without hearing Alec Baldwin calling his daughter a pig. He doesn’t realize Swine’s are noble animals, and sensitive.”

Tasty too, but I dare not mention this to either Wilber or Porky, as it truly would be inappropriate to extrapolate the virtues of the $3.99 breakfast special at a time when the point I’m trying to make is about respect for all creatures. Even the children of stars need protection from the fragile ego, selfish morons who raise them. Comedians need protection from bullying billionaires desperate for media attention to make them feel important, and countries need protection from booze queen over the hill rock stars on power trips.

If we as a race are going to resort to name calling, then we haven’t progressed much from the primordial ooze from which we crawled several million years ago or from the many incestuous children and grandchildren of Adam and Eve if we are to go by the creationist theory. We are still at the Sesame Street level of our own evolution and if we can’t seem to get beyond this, then what hope is there for ending war, creating a world of everlasting peace, or living in any kind of pseudo-harmony?

This opinion is sponsored by the number 7 and the letter W.

After writing this I began to think about posting it, and about offending people because of the sensitive nature of the topic. Now one might say that if you have to stop and think about it you shouldn’t do it because it would obviously be offensive to someone. And they might be right, but there is a better argument for posting it and that is humor. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, our world, our foibles, then we truly haven’t evolved enough to even deserve the respect of the very creatures with which I attempted to amuse here today.


Robert is the author of the novels Cool Mint Blue, Melba Ridge, and the recently released The Adventures of Homosexual Man and Lesbian Lad; and the creator of the on-line comix Impure Thoughts found at his web site Inside R.A. Melos, as well as having been an on-line staff writer for QBliss where he had a monthly humor column, Maybe A Yip, Maybe A Yap. In his non-writing time, when he's not studying the metaphysical or creating a tarot deck, he sells real estate in Middlesex County New Jersey, hangs out with his dog Zeus, and spends time at the Pride Center of New Jersey in Highland Park, NJ, where he is on the Board of Trustees.

more about robert a. melos


eat the rich
politics of the people
by robert a. melos
topic: humor
published: 10.29.10

keeping it real in real estate
secrets from a real estate guru
by robert a. melos
topic: humor
published: 3.16.07


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