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the coulter report
the original pseudo-conservative
by erik lars myers (@TopFermented)
2.18.08
pop culture


Coulter is the legal correspondent for Human Events and writes a popular syndicated column for Universal Press Syndicate. She is a frequent guest on many TV shows, including Hannity and Colmes, Wolf Blitzer Reports, At Large With Geraldo Rivera, Scarborough Country, HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher, The O'Reilly Factor, Good Morning America and has been profiled in numerous publications, including TV Guide, the Guardian (UK), the New York Observer, National Journal, Harper's Bazaar, and Elle magazine, among others. She was named one of the top 100 Public Intellectuals by federal judge Richard Posner in 2001. [ref]

Erik Lars Myers: Ms. Coulter - thanks for taking the time to sit down with me today. It's a pleasure to get some one-on-one time with such an important public figure.

Ann Coulter: My pleasure. After a while you get tired of shouting down Wolf Blitzer. Print interviews, and especially ones with little-known media mags which couldn't possibly have an effect on my public image, are a real treat.

ELM: Let's talk about your public image. To say that you're controversial would be somewhat of an understatement. You've been called a "fascist," a "shallow bitter bitch of a woman," and "The word that rhymes with what football teams often do on fourth down." How do you respond to such accusations?

AC: It's all part of the show.

ELM: I'm sorry?

AC: The show. The act. The persona. If I didn't play that game, I wouldn't be able to galvanize people the way I do.

ELM: Galvanize? You're one of the most controversial political figures in the media. Let me quote some statements you made about two of the current Presidential candidates. You've said of Hillary Clinton, "I'm not equating Hillary Clinton to Stalin, and if I did I apologize to Stalin's descendants," and then of John McCain, "I'm not comparing McCain to Hitler. Hitler had a coherent tax policy." I'd hardly call that galvanizing.

AC: Look, Charles--

ELM: Erik.

AC: Chuck, you've got me all wrong. I'm a liberal at heart. Always have been, but whack-job hippies can't organize themselves to save their lives. The only thing that gets them to work as a group is anger, and who's in the best position to do that? Me. You think Stephen Colbert was the first person to think up this whole, "act like a ultra conservative, but have a liberal agenda" thing?

ELM: There's a big difference between you and Stephen Colbert.

AC: Such as?

ELM: Well, he's funny.

AC: I'm not trying to be funny, Chaz, I'm trying to save the world.

ELM: So, you're saying that you're not actually an ultra-neo-conservative at all? It's all an act to try to get liberals to work together?

AC: Clearly all of the wishy-washy soft talk the Democrats have employed haven't saved us from the past 8 years. Someone's got to be willing to point out the flaws, and if it takes a dramatic right-wing stance to do it, that's what I'll do.

ELM: I'm a little stunned by this revelation. So all this grandstanding about, "If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president?" This is--

AC: Paving the way for Hillary; I'll admit that Obama and his popularity took me a little by surprise, but I think the effect still stands. Look, if you want to get some overweight middle-aged middle-class stay-at-home wife to step away from her soaps long enough to go to a voting booth, you have to challenge her. What better way to do that than to tell her that she shouldn't have the right to do it? What's the alternative? Have Oprah tell her? She might consider it, but I'd wager that she spends her time waiting for the next instruction from the Overlord and never actually leaves the house.

EM: Aren't you afraid that revealing this to me will undermine your agenda?

AC: (laughs) Who would believe you? I deny ever doing this interview, say you made the whole thing up, maybe throw a few lawyers at you for show; who is the public going to believe? You or me?

ELM: That's a fair point. Well, I thank you for your time. This has been very insightful. I'll certainly look at any future quotes from you in a different light.

AC: I enjoyed it. And if this actually goes to print, I'll have your balls in a sling.

ELM: I don't doubt it.


ABOUT ERIK LARS MYERS

Writer, beer drinker, brewer. Not necessarily in the order. For more, check Top Fermented and Mystery Brewing Company.

more about erik lars myers

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COMMENTS

sandra thompson
2.18.08 @ 10:21a

I personally would prefer never to see or hear that vicious nazi's name again.

erik myers
2.18.08 @ 12:13p

I tell ya. Closet liberal. You heard it here, first.

dan gonzalez
2.18.08 @ 11:22p

She is remarkably savvy in terms of marketing and selling her books, but she's about as true of a conservative as Markos Moulitsas and Michael Moore are true liberals, which is to say, not at all.

They're all lying Nazi's, Myers, and the worst thing? They're all sober. They have no love for beer.

FREE DA LOVE! FREE DA PEOPLE! FREE DA BEER!

s w
3.17.08 @ 5:14p

Absolutely hilarious! I almost dropped me pint a-laughin'. Well done Eric.



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