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the turkey
(apologies to ben folds)
by russ carr (@DocOrlando70)

Well I thought about a turkey
Kath said, Russ you must be nuts
But I thought, yeah, thanksgiving just won't be the same
Without a bird with cornbread for its guts
Rushed to the grocer's
It was only fifteen pounds frozen stiff
Got to defrost this turkey
Fill the bathtub, thaw it in a jiff

Still an iceberg in the morning
Felt I had to go for broke
Aimed my wife's hair dryer at it
Till I saw a spark and smelled a puff of smoke
Close enough, I diagnosed it
Threw it in a roasting tray
With a slathering of butter, garlic,
salt and herbs and I began to pray
Just let it come out okay
Gotta cook it through all the way

Oh! Maybe I oughta broil it...
Oh! Gotta 'luminum foil it...
Oh! Y'know I don't wanna spoil it...

Only half an hour 'til eating
Family's working out the seating
In the kitchen I'm still cheating
With a butane torch I'm heating
Turkey skin until it's golden
To my guests I am beholden
But this glass of wine emboldens me.
Thermometer reads 1-6-5 and I am done.
We're eating a lot today
We're eating a lot today
We're eating a lot today
Eating all...this turkey.


If the media is the eye on the world, Russ Carr is the finger in that eye. Tune in each month to see him dispersing the smoke and smashing the mirrors of modern mass communication. The world lost Russ on 2/7/12, but he lives on.

more about russ carr


listen here, young lady
phair enough...i'll listen to someone else
by russ carr
topic: music
published: 8.22.03

imitation is the laziest form of flattery
just like before, it's yesterday once more
by russ carr
topic: music
published: 4.21.04


juli mccarthy
11.27.09 @ 9:41a

One of my friends threatened to toss her not-yet-defrosted bird into the clothes dryer to hurry it along. I don't THINK she followed through.

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