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getting older ~
and how it feels ~
by emanjah suzanne holetz (@emanjah)

We hear a great deal about getting older in many different ways. It is inevitability for all living beings, but impacts none so much as it does humans. We fret and worry about all kinds of things with regard to aging especially our health in today’s profoundly toxic world. There are more and more commercials trying to convince and sell us of why we can’t live without that product or pill for our rapidly deteriorating decrepit bodies. And when in the entire history of human existence have we ever NEEDED so many pills just to be able to function according to the drug companies that are “addicting” us to every known concocted “medication”, whether or not it is an addictive substance, virtually through their proclaimed need we have for their product. When did men (and now women) ever need a prescriptive pill to “perform” sexually? And more importantly, WHY do we now need these aids? What is causing all this illness? Our environment! … and it is that simple!

We are all too familiar with how we feel with any kind of illness. But what is not being spoken of is how it feels emotionally to age. We, as a “modern” society is all too inclined with the notion that age equals “all used up”… when the reality is quite the opposite. Our bodies may age, but what is going on with our emotions and thoughts… and I am not talking about Alzheimer’s disease. I am speaking to the actual feelings of those who are aging, particularly over the age of fifty and how we are treated by society at large… as if we have no thoughts, feelings and emotions… we are all “used up”… when the reality is quite the contrary as well. But who stops to consider this… not many I believe.

I had the honor, and I do mean honor, of turning 50 this last year. It was truly a grand milestone for me especially considering the four to five years proceeding this birthday. It had been quite a wild time, which was clearly misunderstood by literally everyone who loved and surrounded me at the time. I had chosen a path for my life, a path that I had recognized was my “fate and destiny”, my sacred covenant with the Great Creator Spirit that I believe in, “God” if you will. And I took that covenant very seriously, following my heart, for the Greater Good for the Greater Whole, despite all opinions to the contrary… and it was ALL opinions. This was one occasion where “all the people” very much were wrong… and chose to literally intervene upon my sacred path to my craft as a shamanic healer and teacher of the sacred ways in the Native American Indian tradition. I always found it strange that people who knew not of my struggle along that pathway, mere strangers, would compliment me on my ideology and communication skills, saying things like “You are a great spiritual leader!” out of the blue as if to affirm for me unknowingly, that I was indeed upon the proper path for my life… and that my family and friends, those who were supposed to know me best, could not see this at all, rather choosing to chastise and criticize me for the arduous task at my hands. Furthermore, not a one even stopped and had the courtesy to sit down with me and ask me what was really going on for me… or how I felt. It was just easier to stand back, not getting too close to the fire, and point the finger with judgment about something they knew nothing of. And this made for a mountain of trouble that not only could have been avoided completely, but was a heap of extra drama that I did not need on top of the already near impossible feat I was being presented with by the Fates. I had to go the distance. I had to be willing to travel to realms that no one had before… to go further “out of this world” in a manner of speaking… for it was indeed out of this world… way out. Where the failing was, was that it was not anyone else's path but my own, and yet, all seemed to forget this… with cliché expressions like “We are doing this for your own good!” However, it was not anyone else's “agreement with God”

other than my own. And this, was never taken into consideration by anyone. If I had been actively practicing a well known religion, like Christianity or Catholicism, then I would have been guided to a priest or such for counsel and that would have been “acceptable” according to society’s parameters. But my path was not a common one… and in fact, it had never been walked before, by anyone… I knew this in my bones and never did I assume anyone would understand… they could not, not having my experiences with the supernatural as I had. This however, did not make me wrong, just as I would never presume to tell anyone that they were wrong for any experience they had no matter how wild, bizarre, outlandish and unbelievable it may have been. No, that was MY realm to wander in… and I was not afraid… that was the very reason I had been guided down that trail. But that was of no comfort for those who loved me… They could not understand any part of my experience and even though I never expected them to in any way… they were afraid and could not help themselves in their attempt to “help” me… making all the wrong decisions presumptuously without even giving me the courtesy of my consult. After all, it was MY life.

So how did this make me feel? I was very angry… and offended by the lack of consideration for me and the beauty that was my own life, especially taking into consideration the caring, loving individual I have always been. I had been told “Lori, you are pure love”… and I had taken that as one of the highest compliments anyone had ever given me… and this was from someone who was a mild acquaintance. This is precisely who I had aimed to be and if this person could see this, why could my family and friends not? They were too consumed by their own judgment… it was that simple.

Getting older is never an easy thing to realize mentally, emotionally or physically. There is a sort of dull sadness about it that looms over like a small gray cloud that we just want to ignore and pretend is not there… but it is impossible and we are subsequently brought face to face with our daily increasing aging in all kinds of ways through and throughout our life right on down to the most intimate of aspects, our sexuality…. and how we, as elders, can’t seem to do much of anything without shaking and rattling when we walk, so full of the “necessary prescribed pills” that we MUST have in order to live any kind of reasonably functional life at all. Poppycock!!! … is what I say~ None the less, we have collectively bought into the “sick” ideology, hook, line and sinker!!! And it is just that… “sinking our ship” as a human species… more and more rapidly with each passing day.

So, how do I feel about this? Well, I have had some epiphanies that were real doozies in the assumed psychosis of my "old" age of 50, and the wisdom that I have worked very hard for and what has finally been imparted upon me with the good grace of the Great Creator has been nothing short of awe inspiring and miraculous. If someone asked me what was the greatest time in my life… I would say “Now!” without hesitation… for I have truly learned how to live in the moment and embrace the full power of the present, which is all we really have anyway. Thus, I have been richly rewarded and despite the hardships of past times, I would not trade the wisdom of age I have gained for anything.

When I turned 50, I decided that it was time to be completed with my shamanic training and testing. I decided it was time to get “real”… really real and that meant letting go of anything that was not real. I decided it was time to practice and extend what I had come to see to others because it appeared that no one was seeing what I was. And what I was seeing globally was being missed entirely by virtually everyone in any field of study and expertise. This was incredible to me, especially considering how incredibly simple, easy and inexpensive what I was seeing, was. How could this be? Thus the very reason for my quest such as it has begun. I do come bearing glad tidings… with words of encouragement for how we all can gladly tidy this world up. And I am especially enjoying the new found respect and freedom I seem to have finally come into with those real decisions.

So how does it feel to get older? I would have to say “Splendid! Just splendid!” But then again, it really is all just a matter of our own personal perspective on life and how we choose to embrace the many life experiences that we have gained our aged wisdom from. Too bad so many elders have come to such a dim, grim “room with no view” as our society continues to “downgrade” our grand ages into its backwards perception of our worthlessness. And I, for one, will never regret any experience and knowledge gained with years that could hardly become the sum of misguided interpretations of worthlessness. For how could any life…. be worthless? Then, what would be the point of existence? Precisely!


Lori Suzanne Holetz lives in a redwood forest in California with her beloved twin flame, Gregory Barker. She is a Shaman Healer, mother of three, a designer/creator/writer, storyteller and dreamer… and she maintains a private healing practice. She continues to explore many creative endeavors to foster healing for the Earth. She lives by only one rule… Never harm the Great Mother, and never harm any of Her Children!

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~ out of sight, out of mind ~
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topic: general
published: 3.11.10


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