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you weren't born in two pieces
why are you still looking for your other half?
by maigen thomas (@Maigen)
pop culture

It's a social construct, this idea that we aren't complete until we are part of a couple. It is an ancient concept, depending on the literature you read. When prehistoric humans were part of hunter-gatherer tribes, grouping together enabled each person to contribute their strengths and shore up their weaknesses as part of a cohesive and survival-oriented group. It wasn't until humans started living in agricultural societies, raising domesticated animals and farming, that there were recorded male-female partnerships. It has even been argued that marriage was an institution formed by the Church as a form of control. 

Regardless of the history of matrimony, it is still a widely accepted practice. Expected by most and avidly sought out by many. I've written a number of articles (and a book!) about it myself. But when you look at the divorce rate for nearly every first world country (all between 42-51%) and the hideous and brutal treatment of women and unwanted wives in other countries, it should make you wonder why we reach for the hand of a Life Partner at all. 

Your body came into the world as a single unit. You were born, presumably, intact with eyes, a heart, toes, tailbone, a sense of smell. Even those unfortunate humans born with any sort of congenital 'defect' still end up functioning as well as anyone else, or at least as best as they can. If we are born with a soul (which is a questionable assumption at best, bringing to mind religious and ethical arguments such as birth control, abortion and what happens when a person dies if they die before they can accept a 'saviour') - why do we persist in assuming it was born incomplete? When did humans start staring at the stars, hoping and wishing for a Soul Mate?

I have spent the greater part of my adult life paired off. I had boyfriend after boyfriend with very little time off in between to get to know myself. Needing attention and wanting to be loved were more important than learning to love myself. That behavior ended up being detrimental to what should have been my strongest relationships - and I ended up divorced and alone anyway. 

Finding myself single at 30, instead of causing me to feel lonely and depressed, has turned out to be pretty life-affirming. There was someone in my life the last few years who has been a friend, a lover and a confidant. He was the partner I should have wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I should be heartbroken that we couldn't come to an agreement on our differences of opinion on marriage, babies and countries.  

There are many reasons people seek out the company of others, but a lot of the time it seems to be the Fear of Being Alone. 

Maybe we should encourage people to view flying solo as a blessing and celebrate it as the Joy of Being Whole. 

If you are the number one priority in your own life, you get to call the shots. You get to pick where to stay, what to do, who to talk to - or who to ignore. You can stop spending so much brain power thinking about how to please someone else, and just do what you please. 

After spending some time on your own, you'll start figuring out who YOU really are. When you start communicating with yourself as a whole and complete being, you'll have a greater appreciation for other human beings who you can form bonds with. Not because they complete you, but because they complement you. Because their talents are in balance with yours. 

At some earlier point in my life I would have been too scared to travel all by myself, needing my hand held at every border crossing and taking the passenger seat every time.  Instead, I'm learning what it's like to take on the world solo, solving my own problems, being the driver and discovering how good it feels to take up the whole bed when I sleep. 


Maigen is simple. is smart. is wholesome. is skeevy. is spicy. is delicate. is better. is purer. is 100% more awesome than yesterday. She';s traveling the world and writing about her experiences with life, love, yoga, food, travel and people. Mostly people. Because they';re funny. hear more of her random thoughts @maigen on twitter.

more about maigen thomas


sir, you have entirely too much baggage
either pack your therapist or learn to pack light.
by maigen thomas
topic: pop culture
published: 9.26.11

have a wedding for under $1,000
also, i have a bridge you might like to purchase.
by maigen thomas
topic: pop culture
published: 7.14.06


katherine (aka clevertitania)
2.24.12 @ 2:39p

I see your perspective on this issue, but remember that your experiences aren't everyone else's. Not every person seeking love is doing so because they imagine can't "live without" it.

I've spent the better part of my life alone. First I took care of me and my sister (mom traveled for work) and then I raised a kid by myself. In fact, as a result of my unwillingness to date men who weren't a fit for my life, I didn't date for more than a decade. That was the choice I made - responsibilities over desires. But things are different now. My son's a teenager, and I'm tired of being alone.

We're not all looking for Happily Ever After, some of us just want Happier Ever After, to have a partner to share the joys & burdens of life. And to NOT have to be the one who has to do all the driving.


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