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the list of things i got
a list of things i've got.
by jason siciliano
8.22.01
humor


There's a girlfriend. There's a motorcycle. There's cigarettes. There's a mother. There's a little sister, when there's money. There's a dog. There's an apartment. There's an ex-girlfriend's sofa that the current girlfriend is buying so there’ll be rent. There's a black and white TV I found in the closet. There's an Atari®. There's nine games: Centipede, Bezerk, Combat, Pitfall, Canyon Bomber, Breakout, Outlaw, Missile Command and Moon Patrol. There's a toaster (thanks Mom, where are you?). There's a ceramic mushroom pepper shaker. There's five pairs of Levi's, three that fit, one that's clean. There's a mattress and a pillow and a pillowcase with a cigarette burn hole. The dog knows how to roll over. The motorcycle has new tires. The couch has cushions. There's CDs, at least fifty, so there's music. There's t-shirts, mostly black. There's boxers and socks and one pair of boots and two pairs of sneakers. There's a longboard. There's a sword from Tiajuana (nice). There's a glass ashtray from the Nikko Hotel in Los Angeles. There's a pack of matches from the Viper Room. There’s a bong with a Graffix skull and crossbones sticker. There's a Zippo® and five or six Bics®. I save the matches for emergencies, there's four left. There's a July 1996 Playboy with Jenny McCarthy on the cover (I hate her). There's a Miller Lite® pool cue my old boss gave me for Christmas. There's a cordless phone. There's a dial tone, just in case. There's a sweatshirt with oil stains. There's a motorcycle helmet, gloves, and a leather jacket that fits. There's four boxes of macaroni and cheese. There's beer. There's vodka (bad) and tequila (good). There's a picture of the girlfriend with her friend, a professional hockey player. There isn't a frame but there's tape and there's a wall. There's a peephole in the door and neighbors who make out in the hall. There's a stove with four electric burners, two small and two big. There's a 1976 commemorative Jack In The Box mug filled with little white shells. There's a three foot tall pink plastic Planet Of The Apes Cornelius filled with pennies. The ex-girlfriend’s sofa probably has change under the cushions, I’ve never looked, I’m saving it for an emergency. There's cans of beans that were here when I moved in and will never be eaten, there's boxes of Jell-O® that were here when I moved in and will be mixed with the vodka (bad). There's books. There's high school photo albums (sophomore, senior). There's a family photo album. There's a photo album of ex-girlfriends filled with trips and holding hands and arms around waists and smiles and at least one photo of each girlfriend mostly naked. So there's that. There's a Reverend Horton Heat poster with a naked devil woman autographed by Coop. There's seven condoms, five good and two unknown. There's toilet paper and a toothbrush and toothpaste and a washcloth that's always wet even though I never use it. There's a towel from the Nikko Hotel. There's lots of condiments. There's a half pound of frozen tater tots. There's Benadryl and NyQuil and one eighth of marijuana (good). There's a harmonica in a blue Hohner case. There's a boombox with a Mega-Bass button. There's two JVC control monitors. There's an autographed Brad Radke (Twins) baseball. There's a girlfriend with a friend that plays hockey. He currently has several girlfriends, but I think she's waiting to see if he comes around. I don't blame her, so there's that. There's a half head of iceberg lettuce and a bag of carrots (minus one) and a half tomato (baggied) and a yellow onion in a produce drawer on the bottom of the refrigerator that hasn't been opened in a long, long time. There's a coffee maker that works. There's a quart of 1040 motor oil and a pitcher of Kool-Aid® made with powdered sugar. There's paper towels. There's Saltines®. There's a bottle of saline solution (girlfriend). There's a mason jar filled with pens and pencils, a stack of blank paper, six boxes of staples and a stapler (stolen from work). There's a Magic 8-Ball®. When I ask if the hockey player is going to come around it says ASK AGAIN LATER.


ABOUT JASON SICILIANO

Thanks for reading.

more about jason siciliano




COMMENTS

michael beatty
7.27.01 @ 11:28p

What I want to know is, all this stuff, and no mention of a puter. How's JDS writing this stuff?

jason siciliano
7.30.01 @ 1:31p

There's a computer at work. It isn't mine, so it doesn't count.

adam kraemer
7.30.01 @ 3:38p

Isn't the name of the game Berzerk?

jason siciliano
7.30.01 @ 5:14p

I bought a black market rip-off from a sidewalk vendor in New York City, along with a Tag Hower watch. (The watch broke a week later, Michael, that's why it's not listed.)

adam kraemer
7.30.01 @ 5:46p

Funny. I've had my fake Tag Heuer from Chinatown since New Years and it's still keeping time (I don't know how, of course, but I've learned not to question these things).

matt morin
8.22.01 @ 12:38p

Jason, you forgot your expensive, over-designed lamps that are electronically controlled and have 47 different "ambiance levels"

(Everyone but Jason thinks I'm kidding...)

adam kraemer
8.22.01 @ 1:06p

I believe that's pronounced "am-bee-ance".

tracey kelley
8.22.01 @ 1:15p

"aaaahhhm-bee-ance", dah-ling?

tom scarpelli
8.22.01 @ 2:29p

There's a lot of stuff there.
But there's no paragraph.

matt morin
8.22.01 @ 9:57p

Apparently one thing Jason doesn't have is a return key.

jeffrey walker
8.23.01 @ 3:52p

I think what I like most about this is the ability to concentrate long enough to list all you have. Was this done all at once, or did you have to come back every now and then?
And if you did come back, how did you account for any change in inventory between the time you started and when you finished?

jason siciliano
8.23.01 @ 5:27p

Thanks! I wrote it all at once, though by the time I finished the marijuana was gone.

Actually, it was just going to be a character sketch for a short story I was working on. I couldn't figure this guy out. But I ended up liking the sketch better than the story. (Figures.)



jael mchenry
8.28.01 @ 8:04a

I love mining my old work that way. Lousy story with a single great line? Don't fix the story, use the line in something else. Periodically I go through all the old notebooks and find the things I was planning to write about that I never got around to. Sometimes you just have to wait for a story's time to come.



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