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break on through....
by trey askew
7.30.02
general


So the cops leave and I'm left wondering exactly why the guy who so deftly scaled the back porch and teetered on a ledge while jimmying open the window would take my copy of Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. A gymnist with that talent would strive for more I would think! That son of a bitch.

Yes, I do live in the ghetto. Well not the ghetto that Elvis immortalized, but fairly ghetto for the city of Raleigh. It's near one of the colleges and with any student area comes cheap housing and a higher crime rate. Been there and done that for years without any problem. Lived several places where the doors were left open or at least unlocked and never lost anything (other than the expected cds and goldfish from parties).

Then it happenned. Back window busted out. All sorts of stuff taken. Talk about being naked at the blackboard giving a speech. Vulnerable and violated at the same time! Nothing is worse than having your private sancuary invaded. Be it a box, a mansion, a line in the sand, it's still YOUR place and you have a right to feel safe and secure there...most of the time.

I don't know what stages you are supposed to go through in this sort of thing but I do know anger is the longest. Strike that, insert rage instead. The mere fantasy of actually catching this guy creaping in the window while I just happen to be at home is unervingly comforting. I have no specific vision of violence that would occur but he definitely wouldn't walk out with my stuff!

Where to turn for a resolution? The police? Love/hate relationship there. Private Investigator? Too expensive. Street vigilante? Messy, yet effective...but may result in jail time. Police it is! Two crime scene investigators were a quick phone call away.

It's just like that show CSI (if you can ignore the show has an average of 2 cases solved per hour). They use this black powder that somehow clings to fingerprints left behind. Luckily our thief left his gloves with his brain and played pattycake all over the place. Hell yes! This is a good sign. Fingerprints, good as gold right? Go scan those jewels in while we get our baseball bats and we'll meet you there to get our stuff back!

Yep, still have the naivety badge from the boy scouts. And I still wait. It's all I can do. I'm a realist and know none of the stuff is coming back but what else can ya do but dream when they took your video games?


ABOUT TREY ASKEW

Trey is one lazy bastard when it comes to writing. It's amazing he even got this much out before distraction set in.

more about trey askew

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COMMENTS

matt morin
7.31.02 @ 1:22p

That sucks. It reminds me of Erik's column about when someone ripped off his backpack.

heather millen
7.31.02 @ 1:27p

As always, Trey, I feel your pain, but come on now, Kung Pow?! You're better off.

jael mchenry
7.31.02 @ 1:54p

I guess your average thief isn't as smart as the criminals on CSI. He probably never thought of stuffing a body into a scuba suit and leaving him in a tree, either.

adam kraemer
7.31.02 @ 3:59p

Of course he never thought of that. He's a thief.

jael mchenry
7.31.02 @ 4:28p

Hey, sometimes they multitask.

adam kraemer
7.31.02 @ 5:00p

"I am an exceptional thief, Mrs. McClane. And since I'm moving up to kidnapping, you should be more polite."

roger striffler
7.31.02 @ 5:19p

"Oh great. That's just great. I tell you I'm a thief, and you call me a liar."

russ carr
7.31.02 @ 5:22p

"I only lied about being a thief."

mike julianelle
7.31.02 @ 9:01p

"You're a drunk and a liar!"

Ocean's 11, Party of Five, same diff.

trey askew
7.31.02 @ 10:00p

Heather, they touched none of the movies you left...what does that say about your movie tastes? Oh, and hey I'll actually USE the spell checker next time!

erik myers
8.1.02 @ 3:29p

Wow. I'm sorry I just read this. Yeah, just happened to me, too.

Bastard thieves.

You know I'm still waiting to hear back from the cops about mine (they have a jar which the thieves left visible fingerprints on). They still have nothing.

And Kung Pow? I feel your pain. They stole a bunch of my DVDs. Fortunately, they left Big Trouble in Little China and Carnosaur.

tracey kelley
8.2.02 @ 11:38a

Geez - Trey - that sucks. As with Erik, the violation is worth more agony than the loss of the items.

Well, except for him and that backpack thing he has going on.



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