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drummer wanted
why you should never, ever start a band
by joe procopio (@jproco)
topic: music
5.2.08 • CLASSIC

Drummer wanted to complete three-piece rock group. Well, it's kind of alt-rock, but not all moody and down, nor is it grungy, punky, jangly, or powerpop. But it isn't classic rock either and it certainly isn't hard rock or metal. Wait, it might be a little hard. I mean, if your notion of regular everyday pedestrian rock is Coldplay or Radiohead, than this is a little harder than that. But there's no screaming. Or grunting. And none of that way-too-serious faux-metal. Like, if we ever make a

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a guy and a girl and a peach pie
an interview with author therese walsh
by jael mchenry (@JaelMcHenry)
topic: writing
10.5.09 • CLASSIC

Writer Unboxed is the name of the writers' site Therese Walsh co-founded in 2006, but it's also a good description of the writer herself these days. Walsh's first novel, The Last Will of Moira Leahy, will be coming out of boxes and onto shelves next week. She's also a generous, open-minded writer sharing her journey and inspiration across the internet writing community, through Writer Unboxed, Twitter, blogging on her own site, and much more. Writing is a solitary act and being a writer can be

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and your little dog, too
in defense of the deliberately petless
by adam kraemer (@DryWryBred)
topic: humor
4.12.10 • CLASSIC

I live alone. Really alone. For the past two years, give or take, I haven't had a roommate or a housemate, marking the first time that's happened since October 10, 1974. I've been meaning to get a plant. And, barring the absence of a significant other, I love it. I love coming home and having no one to answer to. I love that I can veg out to the TV for hours at a time and let the world drift away. I love that I can let mail pile up on the kitchen table if I so desire. And I love that on those

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love, american (movie) style
why fake love isn't enough for the fans
by michelle von euw
topic: pop culture
3.9.09 • CLASSIC

There are mysteries we all face in life that cannot be explained. Why is “Dollhouse” so bad? Why can’t the guy in 13A actually cover his mouth when he coughs, instead of infecting the entire plane with his nasty cold? Why does anyone care what Rush Limbaugh has to say about anyone? (You know if he’s talking about anyone left of Mussolini, it’s not going to be very nice. He’s been doing the same shtick for 15 years, so why get all riled up about him now?) But the one that plagues me today i

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the reinvention of everything
oh, we back on that again?
by mike julianelle
topic: pop culture
2.5.10 • CLASSIC

Avatar is the number one grossing movie of all time (before you adjust for inflation. When you do that, it’s like number 312). As a result, nearly every potential blockbuster is being reformatted to fit 3D theaters. Prepare for an onslaught, from Clash of the Titans to Harry Potter And the Fact That Our Stars Are Now All 25 and Weird Looking (the Hot Girl Obviously Being the Exception) to Sex and the City 3D: Shoving Samantha’s Sexuality Even Further In Your Face! How hard is it to switch a no

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52 ways to cook
getting off the shelf and into the pan
by tracey l. kelley (@TraceyLKelley)
topic: general
12.27.10 • CLASSIC

After I mentioned in my “Chef, Interrupted” column that I have about 60 cookbooks, give or take, my husband said, “You really do have a lot of them. Why do you have so many?” I didn’t set out to collect them. It just kind of happened. When I hosted a radio cooking show in New Orleans years ago, a guest gave me my first cookbook, a small spiral-bound cardstock issue called Mandy Lee’s Recipes for Good New Orleans Dishes. At the time, I knew nothing of her history, and much of it is still hard to

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where do broken hearts go
the unstoppable rise and fall of whitney houston
by jason gilmore (@JasonGilmore77)
topic: music
2.15.12 • CLASSIC

1. She was, without irrational argument, the greatest female singer of her generation, and the greatest female singer, possibly, to ever live. If you were sculpting a pop star from scratch, you couldn’t have built a better voice, a prettier face, or a greater vocal lineage. She rendered MTV colorblind in the mid-80s, following in Michael Jackson and Prince’s footsteps. Her talent was unreal at times, moved mountains that shouldn’t have budged. Who else could’ve pulled off The Bodyguard or turn “The Star Spangled Banner” into a best selling smash? Who else could remake songs previously recorded by George Benson and Dolly Parton into two of the biggest pop hits of their decades? And yet, despite all that – or maybe because of it – here we are.

2. How much can people give of themselves and remain sane? To have your foibles, flaws and mistakes analyzed, lambasted and paraded in front of millions, daily, is more than most of us could bear. And being on top in the music industry subjects one to a spectacular kind of evil. Yes, Whitney Houston was rich and beautiful and talented, but once that was who she would be forever, it was no longer unique or special. It became like being able to write or speak or drive a car, or any of the other things most of us do every day and take for granted. Many of us behave because we have jobs and bills and family members that make us do so. If those societal constraints were not only lifted, but abolished, and we were encouraged to do whatever we want, whenever, and with whomever, well, then, a clearer picture begins to formulate as to whom we really are.

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justice, examined
less a code, more plain hunch and hindsight
by jeffrey d. walker
topic: pop culture
6.16.10 • CLASSIC

I've spent about half of my life pondering the American legal system, from civics classes in high school to the law firm I work at today. I've worked for the "People", interning for a District Attorney's office and representing various municipalities in civil contexts, and I've also worked for the "people", doing criminal defense work, workers compensation, forcing a local auto dealer to buy back a "lemon" at full purchase price, and other examples of trying to help the common man caught in a p

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bring your own toilet paper
and try not to freak out
by maigen thomas (@Maigen)
topic: general
9.25.09 • CLASSIC

I'm leaving the nest, and my parents are - for lack of a better term - totally losing their shit about it. It's not like I haven't left before. You do remember I moved to Canada, married a Canadian and got kicked out of the country, right Dad? It was less than two years ago and it's still kind of funny-slash-painful for me. The day I went to college with a jeepful of stuff, my grandmother CRIED when she helped me pack everything. I had to box up half my childhood memories that she had sent

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does this make me a mistress?
the socially gray place of being close friends with a childhood sweetheart
by alex b (@Lexistential)
topic: writing
3.21.12 • CLASSIC

It's 2007. You're on the New York subway with your mother, and straining for a conversation topic that won't result in any telenovela-style fights. You write off money (those unpaid student loans), and also know mentioning God is a no-no unless you'd like to discuss going to Mass again. Therefore, you blurt out your childhood sweetheart's first name. Surely, your mom would be okay at hearing how he's doing, and the train ride to Little Italy won't feel so claustrophobic.

No such luck.

To your surprise, your mother arches her eyebrow and fixes you with the same gaze she used when you were in trouble. And, she tells you right then and there that you shouldn't talk to him anymore. After all, he's married.


read on



they can do it! and so can you.
6 tips for successful blogging
by sarah ficke (@DameMystery)
topic: writing
8.24.09 • CLASSIC

Have you read a blog today? I don't know you (unless I do. Hi!), but I'm going to guess that you have. If fact, you might have read several. Even with the up-and-coming competition of Twitter, blogs are holding strong. The best ones are supplying readers with the news and views they used to get from newspapers or the television, and even the worst are catering to someone out there with a passion for... armadillos in socks, say, who doesn't care if said blogger knows a preposition from a peanut.

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oktoberfest
a primer
by erik lars myers (@TopFermented)
topic: pop culture
9.23.09 • CLASSIC

This past Saturday marked the beginning of Oktoberfest 2009. For the next 2-ish weeks, it'll be nothing but polka, sausages, and tasty, tasty Oktoberfest beer, no matter where you turn. What's that I hear you say? It's only September? Why so it is! It so happens that Oktoberfest begins in September and didn't even originally involve binge drinking. A quick dive into history The first Oktoberfest wasn't a beer festival at all. It was a commemoration of the wedding of Crown Prince Ludwig

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constant craving
*the secret* to success
by heather m. millen
topic: humor
8.27.08 • CLASSIC

The other day I was sitting at my desk. It was about 4:00 in the afternoon, the day had been a bit stressful and I was greatly in need of a tiny token of relief. Suddenly, I realized that all my soul craved was a cookie. I don't eat cookies very often but who am I to judge what my soul desires? My husband happened to call and I said aloud and with conviction: "I really want a cookie." Ask. Cookies are good. I used to make cookies with my grandmother. She made these amazing little thumbp

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socialgeist
slimed by digital ectoplasm
by jeff miller (@jmillerboston)
topic: pop culture
3.14.12 • CLASSIC

Man, I've worked with some really fantastic people. People I'm proud to call friends 20 years later; folks I hope to know for many years to come. Others, despite our natural chemistry and the sharing of a thousand pizzas and coffees and cigarettes (I've since quit), I keep only in my memory, for whatever inexplicable reasons people have for maintaining distance in the face of friendship.

But then sometimes – and it's a fortunate rarity – there are people I just want to forget completely. Inevitable adversaries that've had such an ill effect on my psyche, I not only want them out of my life, I want any residual smears of negative energy they’ve left in my airspace GONE. FOREVER. The idea that they might irrevocably occupy some part of my brain is not only depressing, it’s offensive. All I want is for their memory to just...peter away, down the drain of my subconscious, and with any luck...poof! Gone.

“TOO BAD!” say Facebook, Linkedin, and Twitter.

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RECENT COMMENTS

re: irrussistible
I am not going to read it this time. I do and I just cannot pull myself together to comment. It is a beautiful tribute. I am very glad that you wro...

re: guns don't kill people....
Can we please find a way to heal and protect? I NEWTOWN, Conn. (AP) — A man opened fire Friday inside two classrooms at the Connecticut elementary sc...

re: a year without netflix
I would expect that and especially Netflix. Marketing, baby. They're spending zillions to get new subscribers....

re: everybody poops
What a bunch of crap! :-D Sorry. I tried to let it pass. Butt I'm weak. [edited]...

re: you are on your own heroes journey
Too short. Sigh. Thanks Maigen. I just miss him. I am glad that I can find people who cared deeply for him here. He had such good friends here!...





NEW COLUMNS IN THE GALLERY

The Gallery is where anyone can publish a column. The best run as Features.

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