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THE EMPIRE OF JEFF:     HOME  :  ALL COLUMNS

ALL COLUMNS BY JEFF MILLER

21 to 30 of 30 columns
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21. boy, interrupted
voight here, voight now
film - discussion
5.11.01 : feature column!

So the adventurous digital vixen Lara Croft, full-time fantasy figure for sore-thumbed teenage boys everywhere, will be played by Angelina Jolie in Paramount's upcoming Tomb Raider movie. Well, that's just great. She's perfect for the part, right? Sexy, daring, provocative - and she's got that whole "don't think you can fuck with me just because I'm a sexy, daring and provocative girl" thing down. I thought she was great in Bone Collector. No, really - I love those kinds of movies, and I thou...
22. careful with that axe
hi my name is jeff, and i have a guitar problem
pop culture - lifestyle
4.11.01 : feature column!

I have an unhealthy obsession with the electric guitar. It's the reason I live in Boston, and the reason I can't escape New England weather. It traps me for countless hours that I could be spending working for world peace or, heaven help me, doing my laundry. Every year I get an itch at the base of my spine that says 'if you just had that one, surely the Most Glorious Tone Ever could be achieved.' And so another thousand bucks comes out of the Wedding Fund or the We REALLY Need to Buy a Freakin ...
23. it's a beautiful day - somewhere
one small step for u2, one giant leap for mankind
pop culture - discussion
3.14.01 : feature column!

I was happy to see U2 and their producers take home some Grammy love. I really was. I don't care much about awards shows in general, because to me they're nothing more than an excuse to put musicians on network TV. Funny that we need an excuse, isn't it? A few nights out of the year, the American public gets to pretend that we actually care about and support the arts - all this and more in the comforting glow of our Phillips flatscreens. You gotta admit, it's getting better... The fact tha...
24. jenny jones and the temple of doom
cuisinart for the collective mind
pop culture - criticism
2.12.01 : feature column!

Reality TV has become an unavoidable omnipresence; a mind-sucking Silly-Straw bent on tapping into the basest levels of human curiosity. The networks and cable companies have invested themselves totally - Temptation Island is a perfect example of this. The show sits in a Prime Time slot where, not that long ago, The Cosby Show or Family Ties would have been. Now, I'm not suggesting that all television should be about family values and what is essentially an unrealistic view of life in the go...
25. fries without a face
fear of anonymity
pop culture - lifestyle
1.15.01 : feature column!

It occurs to me, I could choose to serve french fries instead of looking for a new job in my "field." I could get off the bus now, shake off the digital dust mites of the dot com world and just simplify my whole existence. But I know I won't do that. Having been recently laid off by a struggling Internet development company (insert snappy, incoherent, meaningless business plan here), I now have options. Yes indeed, the world is my theme park and I'm a happy child with ice cream smeared all ov...
26. two cans and a string
technology addiction: cool or stupid?
pop culture - lifestyle
12.11.00 : feature column!

There was a time, not long ago, when computers had no place in my life. I went about my daily business with what seemed like minimal hassle - it sure didn't seem like anything was missing. Now, I can't bear to go one single day without email. I don't mean to suggest that I'm a malnourished glossy-eyed chatroom hound, it's just that I have what may be VERY IMPORTANT COMMUNICATIONS coming in. Think about that a sec. Do you remember life without answering machines? Without Caller ID? People, ...
27. crawl into the gap
rock fashion metamorphosis
pop culture - lifestyle
11.10.00 : feature column!

I need to talk to someone about my identity crisis. Those of you who have indulged me in columns past will remember that I consider myself to be a Representative of the Rock Community. When I look in the mirror, I see myself through a cloud of dry ice fog. I am backlit by flashing strobes. Crimson and lavender floodlights are highlighting what's left of my cheekbones, and glitter sparkles in my long, frizzy-permed hair. Small silver pentagrams dangle from my earlobes. Coiled around my nec...
28. attack of the hairdryerheads
high-level thinking unraveled
pop culture - criticism
10.11.00 : feature column!

It seems I am doomed to spend my daytime hours forced into working relationships that I would otherwise never begin, let alone maintain. Sound familiar? Do you find yourself surrounded by people who get paid to be High-Level Thinkers? If so, then you are probably as disgusted as I am with these human-shaped suits with hairdryers for heads. They are tightly wound, poised at the ready on their pointed little toes, just waiting to blow hot air at any work that you are responsible for. Don't g...
29. the art of gore
i sold my soul for rock and roll
pop culture - criticism
9.19.00 : feature column!

I know nothing about politics. I don't belong to a particular party. I don't research political issues. I don't even read the newspaper, really. I get most of my information from the idiot box in my living room. What I don't gather from the tube, I suck down from the Internet - consequently I'm much more aware of the latest developments in pornography and get-rich-quick schemes than I am of who's running The Big Show and where they stand on the important issues. I admit it, I'm part of the pr...
30. queen britney ushers in the new metal age
music - criticism
7.26.00 : feature column!

Everybody knows that Britney Spears is the reigning queen of pop. Strutting her stuff across the TV screens of the world, she resembles a new Madonna for the Millennium Teen. She dances, she "sings," she even has her own FOX television special. They're calling her The Voice of a Generation. Sometimes, when I see Britney lip-synching into her headset microphone, I imagine her as a pimply teen working at a drive through window. It helps to quiet the internal rage that has built inside of me as ...
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RAVES

re: longhair tv

Pretty long haired hippy boys were always my downfall!

re: longhair tv

Really original piece. And God, today's leading men really are namby-pambies.

re: future tenz

Wonderful, but not quite perfect!!!!

re: here comes the judge

You're onto something big with this.

re: here comes the judge

One of my favorite Jeff Miller columns. Touching while remaining very very real.

re: here comes the judge

True, so true!

re: if a body catch a body

Interesting personal insights

re: if sardines could talk

A little too short. I would have liked more examples of types of subway riders. That said, what's there is gold.

re: the running man

Spikey, topical humor. Gotta love it. Apply where it itches.

re: the running man

Amusing. Not deep, but amusing. And no, it wasn't obvious to me before you brought it up!

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