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31 to 40 of 129 columns
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31. comic relief
my pop culture blind spot
pop culture - discussion
8.6.08 : feature column!

Like everyone else I know, I've seen The Dark Knight. But it took me a while. For such a big release I'm typically there the first weekend, if not opening night. But, due to a number of circumstances (sell-outs, busted AC at my local theater, drunkenness, marriage, etc.), I waited until the second weekend to finally see what has become the movie phenomenon of the year. At least until Midnight Meat Train sweeps the nation! To most people with lives and legitimate priorities, waiting a week to s...
32. two is the loneliest number
i've got friends in no places
humor - lifestyle
7.18.08 : feature column!

I often tell people that the reason I skip my college and high school reunions is that I am already in touch with all of the people with whom I wish to be in touch. And that's true. I learned most everything I needed to know about my former classmates when they were my current classmates. As a result, some of them made the cut and remain good friends, some of them didn't yet still somehow linger in my fantasy football league, and yet others get the dreaded "ignore" button on facebook, and are bl...
33. star whores
revenge of the chicks
film - criticism
6.9.08 : feature column!

Disclaimer: Though I have seen more of the show than I am comfortable with, I have not seen and will never see the Sex and the City movie. I do, however, have some thoughts about it. Which I will now proceed to unleash from my ass. For years, geeks have been camping out in advance of release dates, dressing up in costumes for conventions and re-releases, prequels and parties. It’s absurd but it’s expected, and, aside from the costumes, it’s borderline mainstream, at least for a property as wove...
34. in ur facebook
invadin ur privacy
pop culture - general
5.16.08 : feature column!

I am more desirable than 98% of people, including you. And yet that hasn't prevented me from repeatedly being hit with sheep. For the past 6 months or so, my job has required that I stay up to date on the internet, and, more specifically, the latest things the kids are using it for. Unfortunately this doesn't require membership to porn sites, so no expensing those! (Sorry, honey!) Instead, it requires membership to social networking sites, of which there are many, from the obvious ones you've ...
35. no assembly desired
zen and the art of apartment maintenance
general - lifestyle
4.7.08 : feature column!

I just carried a large, awkward box up three flights of stairs to my little Brooklyn apartment. For the next two to twelve hours, I will be sitting on the floor in my living room with an unintelligible instruction packet, a variety of tools, a pile of seemingly random but presumably connected fragments of wood and metal, and a long, wide-ranging lexicon of profanities. It's not gonna be fun, especially once my growler of Six Point Bengali Tiger IPA runs dry. The ultimate goal of this project i...
36. hasta la vista, babies
put your baby in a corner
humor - criticism
3.21.08 : feature column!

It may not come as a surprise to many of you that I hate babies. To clarify, I mostly hate Other People’s Babies, but since I have no babies of my own, all babies are Other People’s Babies. Lately, they are everywhere. And I hate them. I happen to be at the stage of my life where kids start becoming a priority. First comes kissing, then comes marriage, then comes thousands of unsolicited pictures of fat naked babies flooding your email. It’s just the way it goes. There was I time when I was a...
37. getting a blown job
a cautionary tale
humor - lifestyle
2.6.08 : feature column!

You thought the system was flawless. You walk in and tell her exactly what you want, nothing more, nothing less, no funny stuff. She knows the rules by now. She's neither to talk to you nor look you in the eye. She's only to do what you say and keep her mouth shut while she does it. 20 minutes later you leave satisfied and she has a few extra bucks in her pocket. No one ever has to know. Fool proof. All you ask is that when you leave, you leave with your dignity and your health intact. You're...
38. my kind of town?
new york state of mind
general - lifestyle
1.7.08 : feature column!

It hasn't even been three months since I landed in Brooklyn and I already have a new pair of glasses that makes me look like the lead singer from Barenaked Ladies. All I need now is a beret and a vegan girlfriend and it'll be like I was born here. Brooklyn and its hipsters aside, the rap on New York city is that people here are assholes. Classless, big-mouthed jerks. But I was an asshole before I even got to New York. So what does that make me now? An asshole squared? At least I'm not a New Yor...
39. tattoo you
carve yourself a personality
humor - lifestyle
12.7.07 : feature column!

Just like Allen Iverson, I've had a fair amount of conversations about tattoos (I also hate practice). Just like everyone else, I've considered having someone brand my skin with a hot needle, but never very seriously. I have, of course, spent some time thinking about what tattoo I might get, were I to make such a mistake. Based on these brief ruminations, I've realized such a decision would likely be the hardest of my life. I just know that after months of going back and forth about what tattoo...
40. you can go home again
but trust me, you don't want to
humor - lifestyle
11.7.07 : feature column!

Remember when you were a kid, and after your alarm went off you'd just lay in bed for a few more minutes without moving? You'd just hit the snooze button and drift back to sleep, not at all caring - maybe even totally forgetting - that you had somewhere to be. Those extra moments of sleep were so beautiful...until they were shattered by the sound of your mother barging in, saying something inane in a sing-song voice (perhaps "Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!") and yanking the covers off of you, th...
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re: the worry-free guide to impending fatherhood

Great column, asshole.

re: superbland?

Spot-on. And it's possible for Superman to have a sense of humor. Look at the Superfriends.

re: bleat the parents

Mike, I just have to give you a big AMEN for this!! I agree with you so much that I have made it my life's work to make a little dent in the guilt, judgment and shame game of parenting!

re: bleat the parents

Late to reading this, but enjoyed it tremendously.

re: this changes everything

Love the build up. one our your best.

re: poker face

Mike's got a crush! Mike's got a crush!

re: the parent trap

Really, really funny. This killed me. (And love your blog, too.)

re: the season of the watch

Exceptionally funny!!!

re: clear and presents danger

You poor thing, you are REALLY in trouble now!

re: dagwoodn't

At last: somebody who gets it!!!

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