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THE EMPIRE OF RUSS:     HOME  :  ALL COLUMNS

ALL COLUMNS BY RUSS CARR

41 to 50 of 87 columns
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41. a visit from [censored]
an unapologetic christmas story
general - lifestyle
12.21.05 : feature column!

'Twas the night before Christmas, when in the White House Dubya crept on tiptoes from his sweet-sleeping spouse; The agent-on-duty who stood just outside Seemed nonplussed by his boss' nocturnal stride. Though the Washington press corps was home all a-bed, And Congress for PAC-paid vacations had fled, In the President's noggin their shouts didn't cease; So he walked to his office in search of some peace. When across the South Lawn with nary a sound A shiny red sleigh and eight reindeer touched...
42. little big ape
long live king kong
film - appreciation
11.28.05 : feature column!

In the past thirty years, special effects has evolved from trick photography and tiny models to elaborate motion-capture animation and computer-generated characters. And it seems as though the gap between technological innovations is shrinking; the next new technique is obsolete nearly as soon as it's revealed, as someone, somewhere, finds a better, faster, cheaper way to do it, dropping a once-rare effect into the hands of any would-be filmmaker. (Seriously — watch "CSI" or one of its clones a...
43. this now concludes our broadcast day
watch different
tech - improvement
10.24.05 : feature column!

Have you ever heard a paradigm shift? It makes a little clicking noise, and it's happened three times in the past four years. The first came with the introduction of the iPod — four years ago this week, in fact. Though the original iPods were horrendously overpriced, and cursed with woefully brief battery life, they successfully changed the way we carry our tunes. Yes, there were other MP3 players on the market, but none had as much storage or as much style as Apple's little white box. The sec...
44. jacking off at the mouth
podcasts are the worst form of self-abuse
tech - lifestyle
9.23.05 : feature column!

There is a strange man masturbating into my ear. His name is Revello, and he's been at it, with my tacit approval, for more than 15 minutes. Dude. How long does this take? A glance at the screen of my iPod informs me: he's gonna be at it for another 18:33. Ugh. Sorry. No. [click] Revello runs "Buffycast," a podcast that gives the now two-years-gone "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" the kind of analysis that in the past you'd only find in a 300-level course at your better state colleges. Every week...
45. extreme makeover: galactica edition
sci-fi builds a better battlestar
television - appreciation
8.24.05 : feature column!

When I was eight, Battlestar Galactica was It. At least, Battlestar Galactica was It until George Lucas decided to make another Star Wars movie, but when you’re eight, you can’t really see past next week, or maybe next month if you’re a thoughtful child, and so any thoughts of Star Wars were limited to what you could do with the action figures you’d been able to get. Battlestar Galactica, on the other hand, was on EVERY WEEK. Space fighters! Robot dogs! That guy from the Alpo commercials! Sta...
46. this one time, at story camp
all my compliments and cutting remarks
writing - lifestyle
7.25.05 : feature column!

Gee, it's been swell here at Story Camp this summer. All my friends came again this time and I made lots of new friends too! But let me tell you all about it from the beginning… Sunday started with the long drive to camp. Actually it was such a long trip that we had to start it on Saturday. But all my counselor stressed to us the importance of cutting back on needless exposition, so I'm gonna just skip Saturday. (One time on the way, I had to get out of the car and pee behind a tree because the...
47. turning left all afternoon
y'know, nascar ain't half bad
sports - appreciation
6.22.05 : feature column!

I never thought it was a sport, and I still don't. Any more than figure skating is a sport, or poker, or extreme dog steeplechase, or any of a dozen different things that make it to the SportsCenter highlight reel. Auto racing is a competition, but don't dare call it a sport. I've seen the gut on some of those drivers. There's a reason they're sponsored by Budweiser and Miller and M&Ms and not the Broccoli Advocacy Council of America. I'm not saying there's not stress and strain involved in ste...
48. darth paydirt
quicker. easier. more seductive.
film - business
5.23.05 : feature column!

A long time ago, in a cinema far, far away... EVIL. EVIL wore a black cloak and an obsidian mask. EVIL rasped for breath and enforced his will with basso-toned threats and a dark gauntlet crushing the throats of any who dared fail him. That was EVIL in 1977. Twenty-eight years later, EVIL is a plastic potato-shaped doll with press-on armor. EVIL is posing with the M&M guys. EVIL is clutching at Cheez-Its. Or throwing them. It's kinda hard to tell by the box. How the mighty have fallen. EVIL...
49. the final frontier
going boldly? no, just going.
television - appreciation
4.22.05 : feature column!

Okay, pop quiz, fill in the blanks: 1) When __________ was recently removed from life support and began to die, supporters launched a highly-visible media campaign in an ultimately futile attempt to wrest legal control in a bid for resuscitation. 2) Possessed of iconic status and cherished around the world by millions, __________ recently passed on after several years of increasing frailty caused by degenerative infirmities. The answers? 1) Star Trek. 2) Star Trek. Hey, you bury your sacred...
50. lolitavision
don't stand so close to me
pop culture - lifestyle
3.23.05 : feature column!

Let me start here by letting you know just how much I love my wife. I've known her half her life. Mother to my two wonderful boys. The gorgeous blonde I always considered out of my league in college. My honeybunny. My shmoopy. But here's my confession. All love aside, I still get crushes. Infatuations, to use a more adult word. Only my predilections take a decided twist. Not really kinky, but you be the judge. I have a thing for high school girls. But not just any high school girls. Truth is,...
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RAVES

re: without control, there's only chaos

Great because I agree with the perspective and like how you wrote about it.

re: the last beat of the pig-hearted man

The pigger the better. Well-written, just right.

re: the last beat of the pig-hearted man

Funniest serious article I've ever read. Thanks Russ.

re: the last beat of the pig-hearted man

Pretty moving... and funny.

re: the last beat of the pig-hearted man

A great example of dark-ish humor!

re: this one goes up to '11

One of the funniest I've read. Really great.

re: hawaii five, viewer zero

I don't know if the show is any good, but the review sure is. Reading Russ is better than watching TV anyway: smarter, sharper, and just plain awesomer. Mahalo!

re: hawaii five, viewer zero

Yup. Excellent critique.

re: state of what union?

Well-written and well-stated. Not quite sure what the answer is, but, at the very least, voting keeps getting us off the couch cushions.

re: state of what union?

Excellent column. Passes over the easy targets and hones in on the problem.

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