FEATURES  :  GALLERYhover for drop down menu  :  STUDIOhover for drop down menu  :  ABOUThover for drop down menu sign in
THE EMPIRE OF RUSS:     HOME  :  ALL COLUMNS

ALL COLUMNS BY RUSS CARR

51 to 60 of 87 columns
<-back   more->

51. midwinter verses
seven forms in seven courses
writing - sample
2.21.05 : feature column!

amuse-bouche (clerihew) A man of class, our late friend Johnny bit his tongue for thirteen years; he never let us hear him say that he loved Dave and hated Jay salad (lai) Though fragile as the thinnest reed a chance for peace the people need despite Hamas and Hussein's minions. Voting for someone new to lead who by the people will accede brings hope to Iraqis and Palestinians. soup (ballad) Is there a fete so vacuous as Oscar's special night All glitz and gowns miraculous and thank-you spee...
52. this year's model
everybody gets a car! everybody gets a car!
advertising - discussion
1.21.05 : feature column!

Maybe it was this morning on the way to work. Maybe it was just a few minutes ago, as you arrived home from the office, the store, your campus, whatever. But a some point today, it's likely you were in your car. Your car. That rolling bit of home. That piece of crap on wheels. The two-ton money vacuum that leaves you with an Amoco bill the size of Ted Kennedy's bar tab. The fastest depreciating "durable goods" you can buy. Isn't it time you had a new one? Yank the Filet-o-Fish wrappers out f...
53. o canada!
we'll drop our guard for thee
humor - lifestyle
12.20.04 : feature column!

Dear Canada, How’s it goin’, eh? (I’m sorry, that was tacky. I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot by reinforcing comedic stereotypes impressed on me when I was but a lad. But those Mackenzie brothers sure were funny.) As you well know, our national elections here in the United States have secured us another four years of the Bush administration. I’m not ashamed to admit I voted for the President. So did a majority of my fellow Missourians, which has led to us being slapped with the label...
54. what if? why not?!
change your mind and change the world
pop culture - appreciation
11.22.04 : feature column!

From the Nov. 3, 2004 New York Times: BOSTON (AP) -- As Tuesday’s long night stretched into Wednesday’s early morning, supporters of the Kerry campaign gathered to watch election returns traded champagne flutes for coffee cups. But at about 6 a.m. Wednesday morning, styrofoam gave way to crystal in a heartbeat, just as the former Senator Kerry greeted the sleepy faithful as president-elect Kerry. “This seems to be the year for miracles here in Boston,” shouted a weary but grinning Kerry. “And a...
55. grr! argh!
if you're not angry yet, what's wrong with you?
general - lifestyle
10.25.04 : feature column!

I'm mad. It's true. Quite mad, actually. No, not in the barmy-up-the-cream-bum-and-jam noodly-oodly-oodly way. I'm LIVID. At you. You're in my way. Get out of my way. Come on. COME ON! MOVE! Could you imagine that SOMEone else wants to BUY SOME YOGURT today OTHER than YOU?! Has that thought crossed your feeble little synapses, or are you busy trying to translate "Yoplait" into English? I would love to be not mad. But it's inescapable. The world is throwing it all back in my face. Everyone. Yo...
56. my immortal
no one stays dead, thanks to (re)animation
film - appreciation
9.24.04 : feature column!

Sir Laurence Olivier once said, "Acting is illusion, as much illusion as magic is, and not so much a matter of being real." Olivier is one of the stars of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, opening September 17. He plays the nefarious villain of the piece, Dr. Totenkopf. Oh, and Olivier has been dead for 15 years. How's that for range? In the interest of full disclosure, no corpses were disinterred for the making of this movie. Lord Larry's appearance is the product of meticulous splicing...
57. elvis aaron presley: a life in lists
as gleaned from the titles of his songs
music - lifestyle
8.16.04 : feature column!

Elvis was born January 8, 1935 in East Tupelo, Mississippi.    I Got A Feelin' In My Body.    I Was Born About Ten Thousand Years Ago.    It's Your Baby, You Rock It. His twin brother, Jesse, died within hours of birth.    My Baby's Gone.    Don't Cry, Daddy.    Return to Sender. Elvis sang in his church choir, won a singing contest at 10, and learned to play guitar at 11.    Where Could I Go But To The Lord.    Sing You Children.    It Ain't No Big Thing But It's Growing. In 1949, Vernon ...
58. locomotive breath
i'll be gone 500 miles when the day is done
general - lifestyle
7.26.04 : feature column!

I needed the booze, no question about it. But five bucks was a little steep, and considering that I hadn't had anything to eat or drink in nearly 24 hours, the scotch and soda would have slapped me down hard. Besides, the line stretched halfway down the aisle. A sudden jerk tossed me backwards, and I lurched onto the steps, scrabbling for a handrail. I went down anyway. On second thought, what's five bucks? I started the morning in central Wisconsin; don't ask me why or how. Suffice it to say ...
59. like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain
put down the peyote, adult swim is on
television - appreciation
6.25.04 : feature column!

Remember "Family Guy"? You know, cartoon about this fat guy, kinda resembled Michael Moore. Talking dog, megalomaniacal infant, basically made "The Simpsons" look about as threatening as "Davey and Goliath." When FOX (motto: "Schedule? Season? What?") dumped Seth MacFarlane's anarchic little toon to save money for more script-free goodness, a lot of fans were pretty miffed. Or as little Stewie might say... [one hour later] Oh. Sorry. Got distracted looking for Stewie quotes on IMDb. My cheek...
60. will i see you in september?
if the networks crash, it's pilot error
television - criticism
5.24.04 : feature column!

So, they're finally gone. Those pesky “Friends.” Along with “Frasier,” “Angel” and “The Practice.” For the first time in several years, there are some substantive holes in most of the broadcast networks' schedules. Execs aren't just scrambling to fill the vacant timeslots, they're flailing wildly to find the next big thing...another 10+ year performer to anchor their flagging market share. It ain't easy. Programming for television is like shooting skeet blindfolded, while simultaneously, dozen...
<-back   more->



RAVES

re: without control, there's only chaos

Great because I agree with the perspective and like how you wrote about it.

re: the last beat of the pig-hearted man

The pigger the better. Well-written, just right.

re: the last beat of the pig-hearted man

Funniest serious article I've ever read. Thanks Russ.

re: the last beat of the pig-hearted man

Pretty moving... and funny.

re: the last beat of the pig-hearted man

A great example of dark-ish humor!

re: this one goes up to '11

One of the funniest I've read. Really great.

re: hawaii five, viewer zero

I don't know if the show is any good, but the review sure is. Reading Russ is better than watching TV anyway: smarter, sharper, and just plain awesomer. Mahalo!

re: hawaii five, viewer zero

Yup. Excellent critique.

re: state of what union?

Well-written and well-stated. Not quite sure what the answer is, but, at the very least, voting keeps getting us off the couch cushions.

re: state of what union?

Excellent column. Passes over the easy targets and hones in on the problem.

Intrepid Media is built by Intrepid Company and runs on Dash