51 to 60 of 129 columns
ALL COLUMNS BY MIKE JULIANELLE
Isn't it strange that around Christmas time - Jesus' Birthday! - more focus seems to be put on Santa Claus and his naughty/nice list than on Jesus and his heaven/hell list? Held hostage and forced to watch a landslide of holiday-themed dreck this December, the overlap between Jesus and Santa Claus has never been more apparent to me, and it's kind of strange. All that we need for Santa to take over as Supreme God of All Creation is for Mel Gibson to film a scathing, first-person, brutally realis...
Here goes nothing. Last week, I was diagnosed with Cat AIDS. Wow, does it feel good to get that off my chest. Honestly, it's not easy to tell people that you have a disease that is typically isolated to gay and/or drug-addicted felines. But I did it. I guess you can consider this column my press conference. After today, Cat AIDS will finally be brought to the forefront. It's no longer a disease for nameless calicos and tabbys anymore. Tempering my pride over this courageous admission...
I'm here today to give my notice: I've decided to become a terrorist. Don't worry. I'm not going to get all political. I'll leave that to the experts. Don't get me wrong; there's a lot of stuff going on right now that makes me angry -- my list is probably similar to yours -- but it's not the current societal turmoil that has driven me to this point. I try not to get too het up about real life. Getting hot and bothered about the complex reasons the world is going to hell in a handbasket ...
Maybe you've heard about a little movie called Snakes On A Plane? It slithered into theaters a few weeks ago, on a tidal wave of hype from internet fanboys and media wags, and almost immediately disappeared. Even on the heels of surprisingly good reviews from a critical community that put away their fangs and played along, this so-called "cult movie" made little noise at the box office after months of suffocating hype. In the aftermath of SoaP's disappointing box office, the internet's viabil...
This may come as a surprise to many of you, but I don’t know everything. It's like finding out there's no Santa Claus, I know. But I am not omniscient, though it may sometimes seem so. Not only do I not know everything about everything, I don’t even know something about everything. There actually are some subjects about which I am completely ignorant. I know a little something about a lot of things. For example: I know a bit about the game of Cricket, and early Christian heresies, and ...
pass the kool aid
working my way into a new job
humor - career
: feature column!
At the beginning of June I started a brand new job. I am still finding my way, figuring things out, getting the lay of the land. In a lot of ways this is a new situation for me, not the least of which is the fact that most of the girls in the office are young enough to be my children. Wait, did I say "be my children?" I meant "bear my children." That's right. No chicks over 21 need apply. I've been around the block a few times, and yet the unexpected sexy youngness of many of my coworkers ...
The other night, as my girlfriend was heading out to volunteer at a telethon, I wished her good luck. She was going to be answering phone calls for one of the 307 fundraisers the local PBS station runs every year. They really need our help, and they can't stop asking for it. Ken Burns is even doing a documentary series on it, entitled "Counter-Intuitive: Those Bastards Won't Watch Our Regular Programming So Let's See How They Like Watching People Sitting Behind Desks And Answering Phone Calls...
brother, spare me the whine
humor - lifestyle
: feature column!
If they had an ominous theme song, like Jaws' foreboding bass line or Jason's eerie clicks and screeches, it would probably be the sound of wheezing followed by some jingling change. But they don't, because you can usually smell them long before any such song would kick in. And that distinctive scent is warning enough. They are desperate. They have no shame. And they are legion. They attack you on the street without fail, moaning and pawing at you like zombies hungry for brains. Even ...
I recently went to see Mission: Impossible: 3. Suffice it to say that the best movie I saw that day was the Superman Returns trailer. And I wasn’t the only one who felt that way, as evidenced by the fact that someone in the theater clapped heartily when the preview ended (that was me). No one clapped at the end of M:I:3. Before we begin, let the record show: I have never been into comic books. If I happen to pick one up, I barely even glance at the multi-paneled “artwork” and just speed t...
The crazies used to be so easily identifiable. The guy walking down the street, gesticulating wildly, mumbling and yelling to himself? Not quite right. The guy that can’t stop talking about Jesus and thinks he's doing God’s will by sacrificing bunches of people? Looney tunes. The groups who obsess over fictional worlds, agonizing over minutiae and arguing about non-existent realities? Mentally unbalanced. In simpler times it took about two seconds to figure out. Giving the guy that's tal...
re: the worry-free guide to impending fatherhood
Great column, asshole.
Spot-on. And it's possible for Superman to have a sense of humor. Look at the Superfriends.
re: bleat the parents
Mike, I just have to give you a big AMEN for this!! I agree with you so much that I have made it my life's work to make a little dent in the guilt, judgment and shame game of parenting!
re: bleat the parents
Late to reading this, but enjoyed it tremendously.
re: this changes everything
Love the build up. one our your best.
re: poker face
Mike's got a crush! Mike's got a crush!
re: the parent trap
Really, really funny. This killed me. (And love your blog, too.)
re: the season of the watch
re: clear and presents danger
You poor thing, you are REALLY in trouble now!
At last: somebody who gets it!!!