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THE EMPIRE OF ERIK:     HOME  :  ALL COLUMNS

ALL COLUMNS BY ERIK LARS MYERS

51 to 60 of 94 columns
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51. quantifying the zeitgeist
finally - what the internet should be
tech - appreciation
10.21.05 : feature column!

Good day, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you for warmly welcoming me into your home. I come to you today with a product that no family should be without. No! Please don't close the door. Hear me out, I genuinely think you will be interested. In fact, I think you will be genuinely interested. I am a man of honor, and I would not peddle meaningless trash. Let me pose this question to you: Do you want to have your finger on the pulse? No. Not your pulse. Take your fingers off of your ...
52. too much of a good thing
sorry occifer - this alcohol had more beer in it than i thought
general - discussion
9.19.05 : feature column!

Just this past June, I found myself at the American Beer Fest in Boston (not to be confused with the Great American Beer Festival being held in Colorado next month). I know it seems surprising, but there it is. Having my time in the Boston area limited to approximately 30 hours, with many of those hours already revolving around tickets for a Red Sox game bought in January and the desire to finally go on a tour of Fenway park, only allowed me a small planning window for the Beer Fest, however. ...
53. lightning goods
products never strike in the same place twice
pop culture - criticism
7.13.05 : feature column!

A year ago, I bought a pair of shorts at Old Navy. Beautiful, lovely, olive green shorts that might be among the most comfortable pieces of fabric to ever have graced my thighs. (No. I know. Only cheap, tawdry romance novels start this way. But trust me, this doesn't get too gooey.) To say that I love these shorts is an understatement. They are my comfortable shorts and in the past year I've worn them in three countries, dozens of states, countless road trips, on airplanes, on weekends, and ...
54. the statuette at the center of the universe
this year's tony for most superfluous award show goes to....
pop culture - criticism
6.15.05 : feature column!

The Tony Awards were last week! Did you: - See them? - Even know they were going to happen? - Read about them on your MSN start page the next day? - Care about the results whatsoever? If you answered no to one or more of these questions, I'm sorry to say, you may live outside of New York City. In case you did miss them, let me give you a quick rundown of the major results. Best Play was given to 219 West 48th Street, New York, NY, Best Musical went to 225 West 44th Street, New York, NY, Be...
55. spelling entropy
confronting the heat-death of spelling knowledge
writing - criticism
5.16.05 : feature column!

It's bin coming four years. Since the advent of built inn spell-checking dictionaries inn whirred processors, it should have become obvious two us. Wee trussed computers too dew moor and moor fore us every day, and weave finally reached the point where knowledge of spelling has become obsolete. It's sad, really. Thinking about it, learning how two spell was a very important part of my early education. That mite sound funny, butt ewe have too understand that eye grew up in an area wear Engli...
56. popping the cap on what ales you
getting antiquated laws about beer off the books
news - discussion
4.29.05 : feature column!

Here in North Carolina, we're facing a huge bit of legislation, and when I say huge, I mean enormous. The last time I was this interested in a bill moving through State Legislature I was in 10th grade in Model Legislature in the State of Maine. In a fit of rebelliousness, I backed a bill to replace the lobster on the Maine state license plate with a sprig of broccoli because it was equally as representative of the entire state as a lobster, which is to say, "Not a whole hell of a lot." This i...
57. an edict from the throne
remember: silence is golden
humor - lifestyle
3.18.05 : feature column!

Dear Person in the Bathroom Stall Next to Me, Stop it. You're disgusting. I wish I didn't have to write this in public, but as you continue to infringe on my public bathroom privacy, I am now forced to berate you publicly for your lack of privacy in a public place. I'm getting ahead of myself. It's as easy as this: Public bathrooms, as we all know, carry their own versions of privacy. While it is a public bathroom in certain terms -- that a large portion of people, i.e. - the public, u...
58. how to cure v.d.
err... that's valentine's day
pop culture - criticism
2.14.05 : feature column!

Today is Valentine's Day. This will come as a shock to no one. The presence of it ground into us. If you've watched television or listened to the radio in the last week, you know. Hell, if you've been within two square miles of a Wal-Mart in the past month, you know. This should be the point where I rant and rave about the commercialization of a holiday and how we should really celebrate the meaning behind the holiday, itself. I'll remind you, though, that the Feast of St. Valentine was re...
59. rock and role
only you can make the hurting stop
music - criticism
1.12.05 : feature column!

Item! Guess who's on tour? That's right! Minnie Driver! Hooray! You might not know it, but Minnie was once an actress, perhaps most memorable in swooningly romantic roles in Grosse Point Blank and Good Will Hunting. Sadly, concentration on her singing career means that she has to ignore her acting career. Why, it's been almost a full month since her last release and we may have to wait a few more before getting her next one! How about them apples? Ha ha! She's not alone, though! Someon...
60. personal statement
an exercise in self-expression
writing - process
12.13.04 : feature column!

Dear Sirs. No. Dear Sir or Madam. Dear... No. To whomever it may concern: Do I really need this kind of opening? No. After long years of working in the outside world, I have decided to apply to graduate school. Fair start. I would like to attend graduate school because the working world is for the birds. The American Corporate Machine is unfulfilling and hollow. The expectation that you work long hours far beyond the scope of your job function for a salary that's far lower ...
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RAVES

re: the great american sameness

Erik, this is by far your best piece you've written! I love the descriptions along your road trip. They remind me of the many road trips I've taken from Phoenix, AZ to Seattle and back. Or last summer when we drove from Phoenix through Utah, Idaho, Wyoming, and Montana to Glacier National Park. What I like best about this piece, is that it flows so naturally. You weave your point in about "sameness" subtly with diplomacy. And your point is something EVERY person living in America needs to be more open to. I agree that the very "sameness" you speak of is killing our ability to "think" in this country. I applaud your efforts in opening up the topic for discussion.


re: google+

You are exactly right and you beat me to this point. It's missing the integration. Well done.

re: where have all the bad guys gone?

A very good perspective on why it's never easy nowadays to just pick a side & stick with it at the movies.

re: occupational profiling

It's all very confusing!

re: love a fair

Sorry I'm so late. I'm way behind with my email.

re: how the privileged get more privileges

Beautiful!

re: how to be on the internet

This advise applies to many things, not just Internet postings. Well done.

re: how to be on the internet

Such wisdom!

re: understanding the zombie invasion

Excellent!

re: understanding the zombie invasion

Mucho entertaining. Time wasted/well-spend reading this.

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