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THE EMPIRE OF TRACEY:     HOME  :  ALL COLUMNS

ALL COLUMNS BY TRACEY L. KELLEY

71 to 80 of 113 columns
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71. arms around the world
what the hugging saint is trying to teach us all
general - discussion
1.31.05 : feature column!

You stand in a winding line, the morning sun barely topping the trees. You’ve a coffee in one hand and a token in the other. The silver-haired woman on your left glows in a sherbet orange sharaha, complimenting the bouquet she holds. The young man to your right crouches against the cement wall, casual, plucking at the frayed thread of his jeans while he pulls on a cigarette. He catches your eye once, grins briefly, and then looks away. There’s a 30-ish mother swaying with a baby strapped agains...
72. the harvest of bunnies
has playboy magazine reached its twilight?
pop culture - discussion
12.29.04 : feature column!

Each election year, Iowa has the first caucus. Iowa leads the nation in corn, soybean, and pork production. Traditionally, Iowa has more students performing in the number one spot, or, at the very least, consistently in the top 10. With little wonder, as ACT is based here. Iowa also has more readers of Playboy per capita than any other state in the union. That’s why the silos are sooooo tall. And even bigger news: for the first time, Playboy is actively recruiting an Iowan as Playmate. With...
73. coming out of the closet
no, not that one, the other one
humor - lifestyle
11.29.04 : feature column!

This is a public service announcement to everyone who owns a home, rents some sort of abode, or still shuttles back and forth between college roommate/ex-rompfriend/“that dude Jack knows” places. Clean out yer stuff. You may not know it, but you have way too much of it. And having too much stuff will, most certainly, get in the way of any other stuff you may want to get. Recall the wise words of George Carlin: "That's all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That's all your hous...
74. dick cheney is an alien reptile!
headlines i'd like to see in my lifetime
humor - general
10.29.04 : feature column!

It’s the Friday before the 2004 Presidential Election. The American election process. Otherwise known as “Which Devil’s Spawn Looks Better in A Blue Tie? The Public (Well, Sorta) Decides.” You’re throwing-up-behind-a-tree sick of glaring headlines. KERRY BLAMES BUSH FOR FLU VACCINE CRISIS! SAID HE'D HAVE MADE MORE! BUSH CALLS KERRY A LIBERAL WIENIE! "KETCHUP-WIENIE...GET IT?" Nevertheless, rubbernecker that you are, you can’t help but gawk until you crash. So, in the honored tradition ...
75. the natural order of things
acting like boobs over boobies
news - criticism
8.30.04 : feature column!

In case you thought I was going to talk about Janet Jackson, Pamela Anderson, Jessica Simpson or Carmen Electra, sorry to disappoint. I’m actually pushing Amy Schoon into the limelight. Yes, Amy Schoon. A brazen hussy, Amy has no problem whipping out her breasts in order to use them to the best advantage. Amy understands the power, and purpose, that breasts have. What purpose is that? Breastfeeding. The owner of the Hoover House restaurant in West Branch, Iowa (a veritable hotbed of sexua...
76. turning pages in my songbook
a hornby-esque view on music
music - appreciation
7.30.04 : feature column!

Nick Hornby, patron saint of Intrepid Media, is a trend-setting author. More importantly, he's a music lover. Not a one-night stand, but a lick-you-all-over-and-take-you out-for-scones-and-chai-with-scruffy-face lover. In Songbook, a collection of essays, Hornby describes with lyrical vividness a handful of songs that make up the soundtrack to his life. I admired his brevity. While reading, literally hundreds of titles and slivers of choruses jammed my frequency. Each one was an individual sna...
77. entranced by rance
caught in the “mystery celebrity” blog
pop culture - discussion
6.28.04 : feature column!

Oh, I got it bad. It keeps me awake at night. I. Want. To. Know. Okay, so I stay awake for other reasons, but still, I’m really, really curious. I didn’t know about it until about three weeks ago, and now I eat it up, word for word, like one itty bitty pastel Smarties candy after another, until my tongue is scratchy and raw and a landfill of crinkly plastic wrappers smothers the coffee table. I’m usually pretty good at this sort of thing. I’m the type who leaned over 30 minutes before th...
78. true american idols
defending the defenders
news - appreciation
5.26.04 : feature column!

Starting around age 16, I think every one of us received a pamphlet or two, at least until we graduated high school. And we’ve certainly seen and heard the ads, voiced with deep resonance, promising purpose and adventure. The closest I came to being in the military was dating a Marine. And that’s all I have to say about that. There was a time not too long ago when many chose not to go in the military. They protested the draft, escaped to Canada, and once the official draft was abolished, so...
79. of silver knights and fairy tales
pondering the first ten years
general - lifestyle
4.28.04 : feature column!

You looked so dashing that night, in your dark woolen overcoat, silk scarf layered in the folds. I glanced at you and thought, “I’ve never before had a man I could describe as dashing.” Maybe it was the flicker of streetlights, or maybe the wine with dinner, or maybe wishful thinking, but I peeked up at you again and there you were, aged, with slivers of silver at your temples, more creases around the eyes, and like magic I knew this was you and me and we together, older, but together. I just ...
80. finding nero
do good, do something, do anything
general - discussion
3.29.04 : feature column!

I start each morning the same way. Terrified. I’m terrified of people fighting for abortion rights on the backs of Girl Scouts. I’m terrified of ministers who protest the graduation of a gay high school student. I’m terrified that five United States military bases are being established in Iraq, but the intended infrastructure rebuilding is still as elusive as the democracy promised there. I’m terrified of “coyotes” that smuggle ambitious immigrants across the border, forget them, and leave...
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RAVES

re: guns don't kill people....

A flawless piece written in record time. Awesome!

re: god for president 2012

Damn straight.

re: god for president 2012

I vote you to be God's next press secretary. Just sayin'.

re: god for president 2012

Awe.some.

re: irrussistible

Just an incredible job capturing what Russ was about. Thank you.

re: irrussistible

Russ is smiling!

re: irrussistible

A beautiful tribute to a wonderful man gone too soon. Thank you so much for writing and sharing with us.

re: irrussistible

Not really sure that a critique here is necessary. Nice job.

re: irrussistible

Lovely. Absolutely lovely.


re: tune out to tune in

Very thought provoking and well argued, but I'm not sure this CNN junkie can break the addiction. I know I -do- feel better when I take a break from current events but can't seem to resist.


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