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ALL COLUMNS BY JOE PROCOPIO

11 to 20 of 162 columns
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11. why i broke up with netflix
the beginning of the end
pop culture - criticism
9.2.11 : feature column!

So I dumped Netflix a couple days ago. It wasn’t much of a big deal. The woman on the other end of the line was very understanding, somewhat apologetic, and even a little cheerful throughout the entire ordeal, which lasted maybe 90 seconds. Although I like to imagine she slammed the phone down and then went on her break to hatch an elaborate plan to stalk me and eventually win me back. With poetry. But it didn’t go down like that at all. There were no histrionics. And conversely, I didn’t go...
12. 5 things you must do to quit being such a douche
social media and writer laziness are killing quality content
writing - criticism
8.1.11 : feature column!

I know. You see a title like that and there's a little part of you, no matter how savvy you are, that thinks: "Jeezus, I'd better read that and make sure I'm not doing and/or won't do one of those potential things. And thank God somebody distilled it down to five, so I can check them off my list quickly, before I have another chance to exhibit any douchiness in public." Or some variation of that. I'm also pretty confident that you'll forgive me for that ruse of a title. First of all, you ought...
13. risk
getting up, crossing the street, and sticking your face in the fan
writing - career
7.1.11 : feature column!

Back in what the kids now call "the day," my best friend Greg and I had an incredible knack for daring each other into doing some unbelievably stupid things. And when we were hanging off a 50-foot embankment hiding from state troopers or flying down the thruway at triple digits in a car that made way too liberal use of duct tape or pouring the x-teenth shot of some expensive stolen liquor, one of us would invariably smile and quip: "How'd they die?" This became a tradition, more in the spiri...
14. humblebrag
yeah, you do it too
pop culture - criticism
6.1.11 : feature column!

When you waste as much time as I do staying on top of social and popular culture, there are certain trends you can't ignore, even if they do kind of stab you in the eye once in a while. For example, I recently discovered, through the painful task of reviewing the long public history of my own writing, that I was one of the first to start using the now pedestrian "Did that just happen?" (1995) and "I know. Right?" (2005). This culminated recently in the totally immature prospect of sneaking in ...
15. end it
why bin laden's demise is only the beginning
news - general
5.2.11 : feature column!

I had something else planned for this space today, something a lot more funnier, but a very bad man met his end a few hours ago. And while I don't celebrate the death of anyone, I also don't need a whole chunk of time to analyze or reminisce. When Twitter blew up with the news that Usama Bin Laden had died, then been killed, then been killed by American forces, then in a ground battle, and then when it was revealed that it was a proactive strike that had been in the works for months, a couple o...
16. you suck
why the new civility was doomed from the start
pop culture - criticism
4.1.11 : feature column!

You suck. You're terrible. Everything you know is wrong. And possibly also evil, but definitely stupid. You take the world way too seriously. What you care about is trivial and superficial. You believe everything you hear and read except those things which are true and unbiased. In fact, you blindly accept as fact a whole bunch of lies and propaganda generated by sources who have in mind only the best interests of the worst kind of people. Now as for me, let's get one thing perfectly clear....
17. fake vegas 2
the apology
pop culture - general
3.2.11 : feature column!

Dear Atlantic City, I'm sorry. Keep the money. Love, Joe I know. Not only is this my second sequel in a row, it's also my second column on Atlantic City in four months. To make it up to you, I spent dozens of hours embedding 21 separate instances in this column where you can add "That's what she said." Fun game? Or cheap gimmick? Yes. As for the AC, I'm just glad I didn't go too hard on the girl the first time around, and that I ended that column on a positive note -- that as s...
18. intrepid oscar picks ii the streets
this time it's personal
film - criticism
2.2.11 : feature column!

Last year at Oscar nomination time, I wrote a popular piece on which film would win the Academy Award for Best Picture. And what separated my piece from the billion other articles, columns, and blog posts by all the other self-appointed film experts? Easy. I didn't see any of the nominated films. This was, in fact, part of the joke, based on last year's inclusion of movies like An Education and A Serious Man, both of which I actually did see once I realized they existed. Still can't remember...
19. the facial divide
5 reasons why we change our appearance
pop culture - lifestyle
1.3.11 : feature column!

Late in the fall I grew a beard. But not just any beard -- the sexiest, angriest, swarthiest beard that ever dared cover the chin of any man. I didn't even so much grow it. I just wasn't paying attention, and before I knew it, the beard happened. By force. But look, I'm not going to insult you by pretending for more than four sentences that you will read 1000 words about my beard. And furthermore, it would take that long to even explain the awesomeness. The reason I'm writing all ...
20. unfriendly
it's about to get real all up in here
pop culture - general
12.1.10 : feature column!

I'm about to lose a lot of friends. That realization makes me unhappy, making this column a huge risk to write. You know those people on reality shows and C-level celebrity rosters who make it clear that they am who they am and they don't give a steaming sunshine about what people think of them? I've always found that to be a total smokescreen. "I keep it real" = "PLEASE LOVE ME I HAVE NO TACT!" I'm proud, proud I say, of that fact that I absolutely care about what people think of me. I'...
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RAVES

re: wait! don't next me girl

Thank you for your courage in testing this. I never thought if trying it, and now I know not to, thanks to this awesomely written, hilarious piece.

re: burn this office to the ground

Awe-some. Again, Awe-some. Great writing, spot-on observations, and fuck Nellie.

re: why i broke up with netflix

Well stated and entertaining.

re: risk

Read this on a right moment where I needed to remind myself about risk. Absolutely enjoyed it.

re: end it

A piece that echoes truth and class.

re: intrepid oscar picks ii the streets

When there is a discussion about films,I can't remain silent or indifferent,this is my favorite field of study.As for the oscar winning films,I agree,they are not always attracting my attention,but this time if I was among the jury members,I would vote definitely for 'Black Swan'.This film has impressed me so strongly that I'm about writing an article about the 'Perfection Syndrome',inspired essencially by this movie.

re: intrepid oscar picks ii the streets

Funny and timely. Takes a lot of the pomp out of a normally pompous process and winks at the fact that the real Oscar voting process itself is highly subjective. Who can really say that one film or performance is better than another?

re: fake vegas

Real Vegas doesn't have Lucy the Elephant.
Very nice column, nonetheless. Keeping in mind that AC caters basically to those who can't afford to travel to Vegas, but still want to lose what money they do have.
And Vegas doesn't have the Monopoly board designed around it.


re: intrepid media turns 11

nice one. Like the "11" logo

re: wanted: chick

yes yes, this is great.

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