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THE EMPIRE OF JEFF:     HOME  :  ALL COLUMNS

ALL COLUMNS BY JEFF MILLER

11 to 20 of 30 columns
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11. the running man
so obvious it hurts
pop culture - appreciation
8.27.03 : feature column!

By the time this hits your monitor screen, another column about Schwarzenegger's run for Governor of California will be the last thing you want to read. So, if you've heard it all and don't really care anymore, I understand. Gary Coleman appreciates your lack of interest, I'm sure. I really only have one small, stupid point anyway, and while it amuses me greatly, it will probably seem painfully obvious to anyone who was born in or around 1971. As a matter of fact, my point is so pointless that ...
12. two girls kicked my ass
and i liked it
music - lifestyle
6.23.03 : feature column!

I’m deeply ashamed. I guess I should have seen this coming. After the big three-oh, things can get weird for just about anybody. It’s a moral dilemma, you see, and I must suffer the indignity like a man. I’ve been enjoying Christina Aguilera. Not in a carnal sense, no, no…but, forgive me Ozzy, in a musical sense. And that’s not all. American Idol snared me this year. And now, last year’s winner Kelly Clarkson has won me over with her new single too. I realize that I’ve established myself in my...
13. runnin' with the devil
the simple life ain't so simple
music - lifestyle
4.25.03 : feature column!

An interesting thing, this music biz. The highs are SO high, the lows are, like, unbearable. It’s a constant balancing act between artist and laborer, bandleader and promoter, musician and…well, pick your day job. How do you get the bodies into the club? Does music have anything to do with it? Is packing a club even important to your career? So many questions, precious few answers, and loads of gear to be moved from your fifth floor rehearsal space at the warehouse to whatever club in whatever t...
14. desperation games
certain doom for startups
pop culture - business
3.25.02 : feature column!

Things can get ugly fast when a venture capital-funded startup company isn’t hitting its quarterly financial goals. Say, for example, your investors happen to notice that you haven’t made enough cash in the last six months to cover rent for your office space – they might decide that your business is no longer a ‘viable investment’. That means one of two things: The Board might try to buy your company more time by cutting costs (see: Reduction in Force, Pay Cuts, and No More Bagels on Friday) i...
15. where's iggy when you need him?
meet you at the clock tower
pop culture - criticism
12.12.01 : feature column!

Once a screwed up kid, always a screwed up kid, right? I don't have to work very hard to put myself right back into a fifteen-year-old frame of mind. It goes without saying how difficult it would be to put myself back into my fifteen-year-old body, so I won't go into that here. What I'm saying is simple: I'm still angry about the fact that none of my peers really understood what was so great about Ozzy, I still hate corduroys, and even though I cut my hair off years ago, it still pisses me off ...
16. i like to watch
show me yours and i'll show you mine
pop culture - general
11.9.01 : feature column!

I'm really into relentless, constructive self-criticism. I have to examine all my creative work for what it is: the rantings of a white, middle-class musician with a fondness for heavy metal, gadgets and...huh huh...chicks. An easily entertained guy who's more prone to watching late-night movies than reading up on the latest economic and political trends. A rather common disposition, I think. Whether I'm writing a song, designing a web site, or writing an article, I try to maintain an awaren...
17. rock of ages
rise up, gather round
general - discussion
10.15.01 : feature column!

I tried to avoid writing a tribute piece or a memorial retrospective this month - partly due to the fact that there are plenty of excellent writers who have been on staff longer than me who I felt would do a better job of it, and partly because I just don't have a solid point of view at this time. As I read website and news articles and watch TV, my personal politics shift to and fro like an empty Snapple bottle on the floor of a Green Line train. Obviously, I have failed in my efforts to avo...
18. of supermodels and food courts
offices of the damned
pop culture - criticism
8.17.01 : feature column!

Let me tell you something - when I found out that my company was moving from our posh location on Newbury Street in downtown Boston to a cubicle-farm in Burlington, MA, I was pissed. I'm sure many of my managers, and possibly some of my readers, might argue that I'm just acting like a typical designer. I should shut up and be thankful I have a job at all - the market's flooded with people like me, right? But that's another article. For now I want to focus on the dramatic impact that my company's...
19. it ain't over til it's exploding
it's not the end of the universe - is it?
pop culture - discussion
7.13.01 : feature column!

It would appear that everything the human race has accomplished - every scientific discovery, every love song, every innovative prime-time TV show, all the Twinkies, Doritos, Oscar-Meyer lunchmeats in their brightly colored packages, our most coveted works of art, corporate infrastructures, radical militant backwoods cults, low-hanging jeans with 51-inch leg bottoms, little smoked sausages, and, god help us, the Internet - everything is doomed to be swallowed by dark matter, consumed into nothin...
20. something in the coffee
bean there, done that
pop culture - discussion
6.19.01 : feature column!

There's something in the coffee, I think. Specifically the high-octane espresso they're serving at Starbucks. A lot of things changed for me when I started drinking that bitter brew, and I'm starting to think there's a connection between my morning libation rituals and the course of my life. I've been drinking the bean for a long time, so I know it's not all coffees or coffee products - it's the Venti Capuccino©, the Grande Iced Americano©, and the Doppio Espresso© I've been inhaling in u...
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RAVES

re: longhair tv

Pretty long haired hippy boys were always my downfall!

re: longhair tv

Really original piece. And God, today's leading men really are namby-pambies.

re: future tenz

Wonderful, but not quite perfect!!!!

re: here comes the judge

You're onto something big with this.

re: here comes the judge

One of my favorite Jeff Miller columns. Touching while remaining very very real.

re: here comes the judge

True, so true!

re: if a body catch a body

Interesting personal insights

re: if sardines could talk

A little too short. I would have liked more examples of types of subway riders. That said, what's there is gold.

re: the running man

Spikey, topical humor. Gotta love it. Apply where it itches.

re: the running man

Amusing. Not deep, but amusing. And no, it wasn't obvious to me before you brought it up!

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