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THE EMPIRE OF HEATHER:     HOME  :  ALL COLUMNS

ALL COLUMNS BY HEATHER M. MILLEN

21 to 30 of 42 columns
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21. venus and mars go cross-country
two sexes. one civic. too different.
humor - lifestyle
4.26.04 : feature column!

Well, you know what they say; things that go west must go back east. Or something like that. So after two years in Los Angeles, I found myself sobering up, packing up, getting in my car (a slightly newer one this time) and pointing myself eastward ... homeward, if you will. While my first trip cross-country exposed me to great experiences, daring adventures and earth shattering revelations about my inner self, my second trip cross-country came with even more stupefying occurrences and wisdom ...
22. sex, drugs and rock-n-roll
two years in la summarized
humor - lifestyle
3.24.04 : feature column!

I can't believe it was just two years ago that I packed up the car and drove cross-country to the land of make-believe, a.k.a Los Angeles. And now I find myself packing up the car to head back east. It's bittersweet. I feel as if it's time to go, but it's always hard to leave the party. Especially when it's been so much damn fun! But that's the problem with a town like LA... this amount of fun could kill ya. So, I'm forging ahead and looking back fondly at all the blurred, muddled, meddled...
23. let the i dos have it
gay marriage: both lovely and lawful
news - lifestyle
2.25.04 : feature column!

Generally, I'm not a big Valentine's Day fan. Even when I'm dating someone, I don't really feel the need to express my feelings on a prepackaged holiday complete with cutesy-wootsy teddy bears or nausea-inducing Hallmark moments. The day, in and of itself, is a sham. Anything that a significant other can do on Valentine's Day means just a little bit more on about any other day of the year. But for same-sex couples in San Francisco this year, the day offered something more worthwhile than "Be...
24. one part hormones, two parts angst
how to make the perfect teen drama series
general - lifestyle
1.26.04 : feature column!

When I was in eighth grade, those happy, wholesome Walsh twins from Minnesota moved from their small mid-western life to take up residency in fabulous Beverly Hills, California. I went along with them for the adventure. I was there when Brandon started working at The Peach Pit and again when he got in an accident leaving work. I was there when Brenda first tried smoking. I was with her when she met Dylan McKay. Her hair was such a fright that day from a home-dye gone horribly awry. How emb...
25. sugarplum dream
an experiment
writing - sample
12.26.03 : feature column!

She always dreamed in vivid color. Her subconscious world was one that was larger than life and more intriguing than death. If she could think in her dreams, she probably would have been considered a genius. But when she was under that thick cloud of dreary, all she could really do was feel. I know they say that you can't feel in your dreams... that if a Mack truck hits you, you wouldn't feel a thing. That's not what her dreams were like. Everything seemed heightened in that magical worl...
26. 'tis the season
ready. set. go!!!
advertising - lifestyle
11.28.03 : feature column!

Thanksgiving has come and gone. Now, go! GO! GO! GO! I know that lately it seems as if the holiday season is creeping up earlier and earlier. And while I have no love for those who deck their halls before the last Friday in November, the day after Thanksgiving is the tried and true day when it can all begin. Oh, the joy and wonder, the music and the magic, the heartburn and insomnia! As a child, Christmas was nothing but joyous. As an adult, it is a lot more stressful. And I feel as if t...
27. the rest of my life
ruminations on my 25th year
general - lifestyle
10.29.03 : feature column!

In just a week, I will have my birthday. I love birthdays. I really, really do. I love my birthday, I love my family and friends’ birthdays. Hell, I even love your birthday! But mine is next, and I love it most. I think the idea of people having one special holiday to celebrate them and only them is brilliant. Forget what the Jehovah's Witnesses say! I want cake and candles and well wishes and my favorite martini. And it’s coming just in time. I have to admit, I’ve been in a funk late...
28. party monster
my trip into the club kid murder scandal
pop culture - discussion
9.26.03 : feature column!

"Man is so perfectible and corruptible that he can become a madman through sheer intellect." -George Lichtenberg On March 17th, 1996, legendary club kid and NYC party promoter Michael Alig murdered his drug dealer. It would be nine months before the police would recover the (dismembered) body and he would be convicted for the crime. Until then, Michael would go about his party lifestyle, flippantly disregarding the rumors flying around about his involvement and, in many cases, perpetuating th...
29. yearbook
high school & the promise it held
general - appreciation
8.29.03 : feature column!

I'm fourteen years old, swinging from the front porch on the makeshift swing we put together from a board and some rope. The house is built on a hill and the porch is at its steepest incline. As I stretch my toes toward the moon, the whoosh of the ten feet below me makes me feel like I'm flying. My body arched backward, I look up and take in the night stars. A thousand points of light transfix the night and I too am transfixed. My future feels as vast and possible as this scene above me. I...
30. how to bag a hot chick
a pocket guide from the voluptuous virtuosos
general - lifestyle
7.28.03 : feature column!

Finally a How-To Guide that's useful. I'm not going to tell you how to build a go-cart out of tin cans or how to redecorate your bathroom using only dryer sheets. And if you're looking to find out how to make a crème brulèe to die for, you've got the wrong lady. But I do feel that I'm qualified to supply you with some insight into what grabs a woman's interest. So, guys gather round. Ladies, appease me and feel free to join in. Maybe together we can train some old dogs. Now, despite popul...
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RAVES

re: constant craving

Bee-yoo-tee-ful.

re: constant craving

you are SO perfect, and I love this column. sweet, satisfying and with no lasting ill effects. other than the fact that I, too, want a fucking cookie.

re: who moved my chi?

Concepts I really hadn't thought to think about. Thanks.

re: a diamond in the rough

Beautiful and poignant.

re: a diamond in the rough

Thats a great column.

re: love at first write

Wonderful!

re: the heathers

Appropriately dramatic, poetic and just an itsey bitsy bit cute!

re: stage beauty

A lovely homage to the theatre.

re: stage beauty

Good read.

re: the haunting hours

I don't watch them either.

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