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THE EMPIRE OF ADAM:     HOME  :  ALL COLUMNS

ALL COLUMNS BY ADAM KRAEMER

41 to 50 of 153 columns
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41. new york survival guide, pt. 3
ten years here, and it's been an ace decade
general - lifestyle
2.11.09 : feature column!

Man, they say, is a creature of habit. Since time immemorial, members of the species homo sapiens have engaged in rites of passage and traditions, some born of superstition, others of necessity. Most, I imagine, were annual, timed to coincide with the seasons, and others with the phases of the moon, or the migration of animals and tribes. These days, aside from the vestiges of those bygone rites, our livelihoods really aren't contingent on praying to the gods for a good harvest, or celebrating ...
42. shut up! sit down!
sometimes sharing is not caring
pop culture - lifestyle
1.12.09 : feature column!

As I was reading the latest issue of Time Out New York (thanks, mom!) on the subway this morning, I turned to an article called something like, "What Your Trainer Is Really Thinking." It was basically the results of a poll the TONY people took among personal trainers in NYC. I won't not bore you with the details, but I did notice one question regarding what people tell their trainers (similar, they said, to what people tell their bartenders or hairdressers). And I quote: That their balls were t...
43. listen, i'm not joking. this is my job!
dammit, jim, i'm an editor, not a monkey
writing - improvement
12.5.08 : feature column!

For those of you who don't know, I started a new job a couple of months ago. (cue cheers, applause, streamers, live animal sacrifices) After a brief sojourn into the exciting world of copying and pasting, I am once again a copy editor, this time correcting style and grammar for a pharmaceutical advertising agency. This means that I've started to return to the "notice every typo all the time" mindset. Which, last time around, really annoyed my friends when they sent me e-mails. Or it might jus...
44. neo-con...dem nation!
caught between barack and a hard place
news - discussion
11.10.08 : feature column!

November 6, 2008 I can honestly say I have never been as proud to be a citizen of the United States of America as I am this week. I did not expect the outcome of this election to effect me so viscerally, but I freely admit that I have found myself choked up more often in the last two days than pretty much the entire rest of my life. It's been like watching the end of "Field of Dreams" over and over and over again. When he calls the young John Kinsella "Dad" and asks if he wants to have a catch...
45. open letter to the new president, take two
because the last one worked so well
news - criticism
10.8.08 : feature column!

A few years ago (well, four to be exact), I penned in these pages an open letter to the men who were running for President, not knowing at the time who would win. I can tell you now, without reservation, that George W. Bush did not read a bit of it. I know this for two reasons: 1) He did not follow a single one of my recommendations. 2) It contained words. I, however, have much higher hopes for both of this year's candidates. Say what you will about John McCain or Barack Obama, but you can't d...
46. holly hobby (tried to rob me. silly stunt...)
now that i have the free time, what am i going to do?
humor - lifestyle
9.12.08 : feature column!

By the time this is published, my employers will know I have accepted a new job. Or, this is the most original letter of resignation ever. Regardless, the new position is likely to allow me more time in my weekly schedule, especially on weekday nights. Which means I may actually be able to do something in my free time. Because, for the first time in three years, I actually have free time. I'll be able to read those books I wrote about at the beginning of the summer that I haven't actually got...
47. when my nanna calls me, i hear ozzy osbourne
i hear singing and there's no one there
tech - lifestyle
8.8.08 : feature column!

It's happened to all of us, at one point or another. You're sitting on a bus, or in a restaurant, or a movie theater, or in the office -- somewhere in public, really, is what I'm getting at -- and all of a sudden someone's cell phone starts ringing. But it's not a ringing noise, no sir. It's a full-on CD-quality recording suddenly playing, like a phantom radio, for everyone in the vicinity. Maybe Jim's phone is blaring Cat Stevens' "Father and Son" so he knows it's his dad ...
48. okay, so it's not exactly walden
an inadvertent experiment in going without
tech - lifestyle
7.14.08 : feature column!

A few weeks ago, I lost my cable service. It did not come as much of a surprise to me, as I had stopped paying for it a month earlier. (I was honestly surprised they hadn't turned it off sooner. For a week, I'd come home from work -- "Hey, cable's still on! Go figure.") Now, before you all start panicking on my behalf, I'll have it back on this week. You can feel free, however, to start picnicking on my behalf. That's something I can get behind. Those of you who know me personally a...
49. not well read? well, read!
a portrait of the slacker as a young man
writing - discussion
6.6.08 : feature column!

There's a guy in my neighborhood named Harry. Harry, on nice days, sets up a table on the sidewalk by the CVS and sells paperback books for $1.25. I tend to read on the subway to and from work, and so whenever I find myself bookless, I stop by Harry's table and pick up a good mystery or a good courtroom drama. Harry will usually suggest one to me, based, I can only imagine, on the fact that it's the first one he sees. "If you want to read a good author, try her." "Want a good true crime story?...
50. goin' commando
apparently, the balls are now free
television - discussion
5.12.08 : feature column!

Ah, Springtime! The time when a man's fancy turns to romance, courtship, and finally being able to see women's boobs after months of having them hidden under heavy wool coats. No, seriously, we all know by now that Springtime is the time of fertility. The whole Easter thing? Much of the Passover thing? Definitely the Cinco de Mayo thing. Beyond the historical significance of the major rites of spring, there's, well, eggs and alcohol; what better symbols of the perpetuation of the species? And, ...
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RAVES

re: one state, two state, red state, blue state

Bravo. Love to see you write this way.

re: short and sweet

Hilarious and awesome and endearing.

re: constant comment

Nice job!

re: and to think that i heard it on mulberry street

I love N Y too.

re: yo! i got some weight for you to watch

Absolutely one of the best columns you've written. I actually laughed....which I don't do very often. Your sintax and paragraph structure is still a little choppy, but this topic goes well with that.

re: how to lose a girl in one date

Wry, sarcastic and totally dead on.

re: sharp dressed plan

Great job on this column, Adam.

re: behind the times

Very cohesive and timely! Well written. Your tongue-in-cheek is getting much better.

re: wherefore art thou joey jo-jo junior shabadoo?

Love the fun asides and the voice is indelibly YOU.

re: wherefore art thou joey jo-jo junior shabadoo?

so how about "akaliaskraemer"

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